


The heart that changed everything

by Cowoline



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hopeful Ending, Romance, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-04-19 22:52:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4763987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cowoline/pseuds/Cowoline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Almost two years after warning Lavellan and telling her about his true nature, Solas finds himself entangled in a web of emotions as Cole seeks him out. The nuances of right and wrong are not easily defined, as he is forced to face, that perhaps he does not know everything.</p><p>Solas and Lavellan romance and reunion. Has major spoilers for the Trespasser DLC. The violence and torture is very descriptive, so if this bothers you skip the part that begins with *****</p><p>Disclaimer: All credit goes to Bioware for creating the univers and the characters in this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The heart's return

**Author's Note:**

> Solas and Lavellan romance and reunion. Has major spoilers for the Trespasser DLC. The violence and torture is very descriptive, so if this bothers you skip the part that begins with *****
> 
> I wrote this piece after finishing Trespasser. For now it is a one shot, but if you are interested in more let me know and I will see what I can do. This was a bit rushed, so please forgive me any typos.

Time had always been a strange thing. Even with his infinite wisdom and many years, nothing eluded Solas more. He had seen time manipulated, turned and twisted. He had seen what changes could come with time, and his long lifespan gave him an opportunity that few others had. Through the expanses of time he could truly see how the ripples in the water would spread,  and how the effect of decisions would impact the world. Nearly two more years had passed since he had last seen Lavellan. They had seemed to go by so quickly and yet every moment without her, was slow and agonizing. The sound of her voice in agony as said was on the ground before the Eluvian still haunted him. Even more so the knowledge, that  he could only delay the effects of the mark and not safe her from it. When his agents had informed him that Lavellan had the arm removed, he felt himself both sigh with relief and cry out in shame. When he also heard that his love had disbanded the inquisition, he felt a fondness embrace his heart. If everyone were as righteous and concerned with doing what was right, rather than grasp for power, the world of Thedas would have been very different. Much to his dismay, however, this also meant that his spies could no longer keep him informed of her. She had all but vanished after the Inquisition was disbanded. From time to time one of his agents would see a one armed elven woman in Kirkwall, Orlais, Antiva or Ferelden, but always seemed to only engage in social calls and stayed as far away from the political scene as possible. Anyone, who didn’t know her would assume that she had retired and was now spending her time more idly, but Solas knew better. Still his heart grew cold, when all accounts of her vanished completely. Despite her fame and missing arm, months passed without anyone seeing or hearing whispers of her. Solas tried to convince himself that it was for the best, but neither his heart or mind could rest without knowing if she was safe. So despite his better judgement he began visiting her in her dreams. Always watching her from afar and not engaging in any of her dreams. Sometimes she would see him lurking within the shadows and at other times he would remain hidden, watching her. After a time he began to notice another soul watching her, but this one did not hide from her. He recognized the spirit of compassion as Cole, and he found comfort in the fact that his spirit friend had returned to the fade. One less soul would be lost, when the veil would be removed.

 

Solas was watching the sun rise in the distance. Horrible nightmares had awoken him, but they were not his own. Milu Lavellan’s dreams had become darker as of late. Filled with sorrow and agony and with cries he felt shatter the fade. His thoughts drifted to his friend, spirit of Wisdom, and he could not shake the dread he felt to his core. Many elves and his agents now shared an ancient temple of Fen’Harel. Unlike the other temples to the Patheons, this was one he himself had built long ago. It was a refuge to house those he had freed and during the years following the Inquisition and its disbandment, he had used his magic to restore it. It was a tribute to how powerful he had once again become, but Solas had never felt weaker. His bedroom was round with pillars around it. The walls turning away from the temple was made by glass and not stone, that with a simple touch of his magic would appear and reappear. On the walls and on the ceiling were painted images that he had done himself. He took a deep breath as the brise caressed his face, unbidden the thoughts of deep red hair blowing in the wind entered his mind. His dwelling on memories was interrupted by a knock on his door.

 

“Adaran.” Solas said calmly.

As he suspected one of his agents entered and with a friendly smile he turned to see him.

 

“Ir abelas, I did not mean to intrude upon you so early, but you wanted the reports from Tevinter as soon as they arrived?” the elven man said politely.

 

“Ah, yes. Ma serannas. Could you give me a general description?” Solas replied as he reached for the report.

 

“The Qunari are forcefully making their intention in Tevinter know, but they are resisting. Especially Magister Pavus seems to make life difficult - for almost everyone,” the agent shook his head.

 

“That is to be expected,” Solas gave a wry smile “And what of the factions?”

 

“They seem to be somewhat organized. Some have been captured and are in the hands of the Qunari. Little is heard from the few Venatori, that still remain. A few have been recruited into another organization, but what that is and why, we have no idea as of yet. We only know that mages and scholars from different places are going missing, but it is not possible to tell if they are connected for sure. They are very concealed that’s for certain,”

 

“Hardly surprising considering the attention the Venatori got during the Inquisition,” Solas looked through the report, but his eyes merely stared at the page instead of reading it.

 

“We have heard no news of her,” the agent said wistfully and Solas merely nodded, not daring to look up. The agent took this as a sign to leave and bowed before exiting the room. Solas let himself fall back onto his bed, giving a heavy sigh as he so.

 

“Where are you, vehnan?”

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Weeks passed in such a fashion until one night, when he was searching for her in dreams, something happened that he did not expect. He found her body reflections in the fade, but it was completely still and the fade reflected nothing but her. Despite himself he transformed from a wolf into his own shape and walked over in front of her. She was completely still and did not move or even seem to simulate breathing.

 

“My love?” he tried gently, but even as he touched her face nothing happened.

 

“She is apart from herself. Burning, cutting, aching, full of anguish, but unable to move. I tried to help, but I cannot help her this time, Solas. Not alone. You must go to her,” a gentle voice said behind him. He saw a light spirit behind him, that soon took the shape of Cole.

 

“I cannot,” Solas whispered in despair and heartfelt pain.

 

Cole walked closer and placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

 

“I cannot heal, what you are so determined to hold on to. The pain will not fade, when you clutch onto it so tightly,” he said gently.

 

“I cannot. If I do she will follow me and I will not have her see, what I must become. What I  know  must happen,” Solas replied with tears brimming in his eyes.

 

“Kind and wise, Solas, you must learn that you do not know everything. She taught you differently on many occasions - that is one of the many reasons why you love her. Let her teach you now. Not all wisdom comes with age,” Cole smiled at him.

 

“You are much more wise and eloquent, than I recall,” Solas gave a wry, but fond smile.

 

“It makes more sense here. Before I was apart from myself, but now I am not. And you are avoiding answering, because you know, what you must do,” the insistence in the spirit’s voice, cut to the bone - filling him with a chill that he could not ignored. Solas could not answer, but Cole both knew and could feel his friend far too well. Cole walked past Solas and gave Milu a gentle kiss on her forehead. That was when the image of her started moving. She fell to the floor crying out in agony. The screams were worse than when her anchor almost killed her and again Solas’ memories of Wisdom entered his mind. Desperately he fell to his knees beside her, as she fell to the ground twisting and turning, as if she was being electrocuted. Over and over he tried to help, but nothing helped.

 

“Cutting, burning, filling thoughts with lies. They are torturing her. She asks for death, but it will not claim her. They will not allow it. It has gone on for far too long, but will continue until they are stopped,” Cole explained.

 

“Who and where?” Solas growled.

 

“The Qunari in Tevinter. I can guide you, but you must hurry before she loses her sense of self,”

 

And so, despite himself, Solas excited the fade to find his heart and show her captures, why he was known as the Dread Wolf.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

******

The warm Tevinter air greeted him as he excited the Eluvian. The rage  filling his being was only matched by the ache in his heart. He ventured quickly through the jungle to find an ancient ruin the Qunari had turned into a base.

 

“Just a little further,” Cole whispered from beyond the veil. “They are asleep. She will be alone, but guarded,”

 

Skillfully Solas made his way through the fortress ruin - one dedicated to the ancient Gods of Tevinter. Between Cole and his scent Solas found, where Milu was kept. After turning the guards to stone, he entered the dark room. And what he saw would scar him for eternity. The elf was strapped on a vertical wheel, tied with chains that were filled with magical electricity. Not enough to kill her, but enough to make her cry out in agonizing pain, if she were not unconscious. Her snow white skin was covered in uneven cuts, clearly made by a weapon designed to cause as much pain as possible. On her face was an iron mask. It held her eyelids open and her tongue was sticking out of her mouth and a nail punched through it - keeping it in place. Her green eyes were deprived of life. On her were burn marks and the tools were in the forge.

 

“They are trying to make her forget her own truths. They want her to think as they do,” Cole whispered sadly.

 

“They are trying to reeducate her as well as torture her,” Solas snarled, though his voice was heavy with tears. He wondered how she survived, but got the answer as he got closer. Red veils were hanging above her, with tubes going directly into her body - the healing potions keeping her alive. He felt the foul stench hit him as he approached. Blood and her other bodily fluids covering her. She looked thin and weak, as if she had been starved and from her condition she might have been for the entire time she was captured.

 

“Ir abelas ma vehnan,” Solas said heartbroken, as he looked at her. He would remove her, but it would take time, if she was to survive it.

 

“How could she have endured this? How could she not have broken yet?” Solas wondered out loud, his voice thick with tears. Cole appeared like a reflection from beyond the veil. A skill that undoubtedly came from having crossed it back and forth.

 

“I made her forget. Every day I made her forget the pain and what they were saying. She has no idea of how long she has been here, but it could not continue. I had hoped someone would come for her, but no one did,” Cole replied sadly.

 

“Why?!” Solas growled “Why would no one come to her aid?!” there was a fury and detest in his voice that had the resemblance of venom.

 

“No one knows. She kept hidden, so she could find you. Dorian tried, when she stopped replying, but he could not find her. He is still trying. He is  very  afraid,”

 

Undoubtedly summoned by the shouting, the Qunari came upon him from all sides of the Fortress. Solas gave a feral cry and ran out to the terrace in front of the room she was kept in. As they approach he lit the sky on fire, shattering the night. His vengeance burned like the sky and he would make them suffer as his heart had suffered. He revelled in their screams as the fire burned them like acid, his only regret that he could not make it last longer. When the last of them fell, he hurried back to the room. Quickly he found the mechanism that would allow him to lay down the wheel. He then ran to her side and was distraught to see that not even the cries of agony and fury had awoken her. First he carefully removed the mask, seeing with deep sorrow that the nail had grown attached to her tongue. He removed it quickly, which was enough for her to scream and then pass out again, not even acknowledging his presence. He then quickly healed her mouth and tongue so the swollen area would not choke her and her blood not drown her.

 

“I am so desperately sorry, emma lath. I should never have left your side,” he whispered in a broken voice as he gently kissed her bloodied lips.

 

He removed the rest of the horrid contraptions, only saving the healing potions for last. As he went he healed her most horrific injuries. Yet still a lot remained all over her naked body. There was a time, where he had wondered how beautiful her form would look, but now the sight would forever haunt him. He had never envisioned it to be revealed to him in such a way. A blanket was placed next to him and he saw Cole standing beside him in a celestial form.

 

“I have also packed her most valued possessions in this bag. She would not forgive you for forgetting them,”

 

“Thank you, Cole. For everything,” Solas replied his tears finally falling as he picked up his unconscious love.

 

“It is not your fault, Solas. You could not have known this would happen. Take care of her. That will help heal your hurt,” Cole said softly and disappeared back to the fade. Solas carried his love back through the Eluvian, as the sound of the sky bombarding the fortress sounded in the background. 

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

When Milu awoke she hardly had any recollection of anything. Even her name escaped her at first, as her memories seemed tangled and withered. Then as it came back to her, she started to notice the room. Unfamiliar with her surroundings, her first instinct was to jump from the bed, but her momentum faltered as she tried to rest on an arm that was now only half of one. Frightened she gave a small cry, but then it came back to her. The mark, Corypheus, Solas. Then she remembered her search for Solas. She had tried to find him with the help from Leliana, Cassandra and Scout Harding, but it had revealed nothing. Instead she had gone out on her own. Trying to find Solas, while investigating the agents of Fen’Harel - Solas’ agents - was no easy feat. She had been captured by the Qunari and tortured during her search, but for the most part she could only recall Cole’s voice. She smiled softly knowing that her friend must have protected her from remembering the worst of it. She looked around a room made of white marble and gold. Large windows between pillars gave a beautiful view of the surroundings. It was up high and showed mountains and a landscape that somewhat reminded her of the Arbor wilds. The room was beautifully furnished with elven furniture. The bed was carved from light wood and the bedposts looked like wolves. The sheets were golden and green. The floor was a mosaic like in the Temple of Mythal and the walls were painted in a style familiar to her. Other than that the room had comfortable chairs, bookcases, a desk, a fireplace in the middle of the room and candles for lighting. They were, however, not lit as it was still light, with the sun beginning to set, casting a red and golden glow into the room.

 

“Solas?” she questioned herself in a whisper afraid, that should she speak loudly it would all disappear and she would find herself back with the Qunari. With effort she managed to sit up and noticed that she was wearing a pure white dress, that was layer upon layer of fabric that seemed as light as air. Absently mindedly she got out of bed, more fascinated by her surroundings then anything else. So when she stood up she was met by an overwhelming pain in her leg that had her screaming in agony as she fell to the floor. She could not hold back the tears as she whimpered in pain. She heard running footsteps approaching, but was in too much pain to pay them any attention.

 

“Vehnan!” a familiar voice exclaimed as the door opened and quickly ran to her side.

 

“S-Solas?” she whispered through tears, when she looked up into a pair of blue eyes, that echoed her pain.

 

Gently Solas picked her up and murmured words of apology as it hurt her. He gently placed her on the bed and got down in front of her on his knees. Carefully he lifted her dress and exposed her leg.

 

“Your leg was crushed. I have done as much as I can, but it will take time to heal. If I do more it might not set right. Ir abelas,” he explained softly as he examined her leg.

 

Milu took his chin with her hand and crushed her lips to his quickly. Solas knew he should resist, but he couldn’t - not any longer. With an aching heart he returned her kiss. Soft and lingering it didn’t feel quite real to any of them, but when she pulled away the absence of each other's lips was profound. She looked into his eyes with such softness and melancholy it almost broke any resolve he had. He forgot every reason he had for not being with her. All reasons for pursuing his goal, were suddenly diminished. That was why he had drawn away from her in the first place. As she stroked his cheek he could do nothing but lean into her touch and place his hand on hers.

 

“I love you, Solas. Nothing will ever change that,” her voice was broken as she spoke.

 

“Ar lath ma vehnan. It seems that no matter what strides I take to protect you, I falter. I am so terribly sorry, my love,” his voice cracked, as his one armed love pulled him into her embrace. 

 

“You are not almighty, Fen’Harel. You cannot protect me from life and certainly not, when I do not wish to protected. Stop fighting me and pushing me away. I might be an arm short and you a mighty mage, but I have defeated all so far. You of all people should know better than to run from me,” she smiled lovingly and brightly.

 

With tears still lingering in his eyes he gave a chuckle. He loved her more than he could ever have imagined. Her kindness, her fairness and forgiving nature made her an example to everyone. She was what was best in the world and with her loss, his heart would wither. When she suddenly fell forward he caught her in his arms.

 

“I feel lightheaded,” she whispered and he helped her back in bed.

 

“You haven’t eaten in a long while. Let me get something for you,” but as he got up she caught his arm with her hand and he could see the other half arm reaching for him as well.

 

“Don’t leave!” she begged hastily, and the fear in her eyes made the melancholy that always followed him more profound.

 

“I will have someone else get something for you then. It will only be but a moment,” he leaned forward and kissed  her brow. He could feel her eyes watching him intensely as he walked towards the door. Milu’s heart ached. She was so afraid of losing him. Every kiss they had shared since the Arbor Wilds had ended with him leaving her behind. And since then her heart had done nothing but look for him. Vivienne had encouraged her to move on, but she could not. Solas was in her soul and the sight of him being on his own was more than she could bare. So she felt more than a little anxious as he walked towards the door. She held her breath as he opened the door, and with utmost politeness Solas asked someone to bring up food in elven. She gave a sigh of relief as he closed the door again, and in his eyes was a profound sadness and apologetic look. He went to get a chair and sat down next to the bed. He was about to explain how and why he found her, but she cut him off.

 

“Please Solas… There is so much misery already. Can we talk about more pleasant things? just for a little while?” she requested softly as she began to shake. He reached for her hand and held it in both of his.

 

“Alright, let us talk,” he said softly and added “about whatever you prefer,”

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Days had passed and though Solas intended to give up on Milu once she was better he felt in his heart that it became more and more difficult with each passing day. She was recovering slowly, but though he had spent a lot of time in her company they had not yet spoken about anything serious. It had always been at a distance, both of them not knowing, what would happen should they approach the subject that tore them apart. He walked into the bedroom, where Milu sat on the bed and he heard Dorian’s voice.

 

“Dorian, don’t fret so. I was taken by a Qunari squad, but I am safe now,” she tried to comfort with a soft smile.

 

“You were out of contact for six weeks! Don’t tell me nothing happened. If anything has happened to you I will...” Dorian’s voice sounded ignited with anger and worry.

 

“Hush now. I am perfectly well - except for missing your company, of course,” she giggled softly.

 

“Naturally. I am so sorry, but I have to leave. That damn magisterium always want to mettle at the most unfortunate of times,” Dorian sighed.

 

“You love causing trouble. Now go and do what you do best, my honorable magister,” her voice was so soft when she spoke, that it seemed to calm the magister instantly.

 

She smiled and shook her head, when she closed the amulet and Solas was reminded of how she always saw the best in everyone. It wasn’t until she turned, that he realised that she had a metal arm. She noticed his staring and smiled.

 

“Dagna made it for me. It can sense me muscle movement, so that I have some use of it,”

 

Solas walked over and looked more closely at it.

 

“May I?” he asked carefully and as she nodded he took the metal hand. When it folded its cold fingers in his, he gave a sound of astonishment.

 

“Remarkable,”

 

“Yes, she did a good job. I can’t feel anything of course, which makes using a bow impossible. It was probably the reason I got captured. Had I been a mage, I might have been fine, but…” she made a heavy sigh.

 

“I am sorry,” he said softly.

 

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t make me run into a room with Corypheus or pick up your orb. I did that, not you,” 

 

He sat down next to her, his head and heart still heavy for all the misery he had caused. There was a silence for awhile until she broke it.

 

“It was how I made your agents lose track of me. I made sure always to wear gloves. Even should they recognize me, they would assume they were mistaken since I had two working arms. It worked with most. Since I disbanded the inquisition I have been working in secret with a group of mages and scholars from all over Thedas,” she began explaining.

 

“As a means to stop me?” he asked raising a brow.

 

“No. I will not try to stop you…. I know better than to think I even can, but it is related,” she replied with a sad voice.

 

“How?”

 

“Since you told me what you planned, my heart has been in a state of mourning. I do not doubt that you will succeed, but I look at the world, the races and their cultures and I mourn for them. What the elves lost was precious, but our past is not more precious than theirs - our lives not more valuable. So I looked into what the absence of the veil would mean. Everything from creating pockets within the veil, where people could live outside til seeing if the Eluvians could bring people somewhere else. You told me that the world would be destroyed due to the chaos that would follow the removal of the veil, but never once by the process itself. Your assumption, I guess, is that we will kill everything in sight. That in our terror we will tear our own society apart. But there is one flaw in your assumptions,” Milu looked at him with a gaze so soft that he could feel no anger towards her.

 

“And what is that?” his tone doubtful, but not cruel or slighted.

 

“You underestimated us. You didn’t believe Corypheus strong enough to open the orb. You didn’t believe that people of this world were strong and resourceful. You believed we were no more than tranquils. No imagination, no honour and no resolve. But you changed your mind. You see a world you will help protect until you can fulfill your plan,” she smiled softly, but in her eyes sadness lingered.

 

“You changed it. I had not thought… but it doesn’t matter now. I cannot turn back,” he looked away from her as if he was ashamed.

 

“But it does!” she insisted “You assume that people cannot accept spirits, that our culture can’t adapt. And for many of us, that will be true, but not for all. Some of us will adapt and even more will, if you teach them how. I know you think only of the elves after, and I accept that, but help me - teach me so I can teach them. More of this world will recover - see just how quickly they recovered from Corypheus. It will not be easy, but you can’t tell me that there isn’t a chance,” her eyes full of gentleness and a kind smile as she spoke touched Solas’ heart.

 

Fondly he ran his fingers through her long red hair as he replied.

 

“I know of noone who can offer hope, as you do. No one who can look fearless into the abyss and still look for a soft place to land,” his voice was a small, loving chuckle as he spoke.

 

She grabbed his other hand and turned to face him directly.

 

“After all the wonders we have seen, how can you doubt? Studying this I came across an enchanter and a mage, whose power I have only seen overgone by one and that is you,” she said with enthusiasme.

 

“I thought you would have seen more that your share of mages to be so easily impressed,” Solas replied with a wry smile.

 

“Solas, he is a dwarf,” her voice was adamant, when she spoke and yet still he doubted his ears.

 

“A dwarf? But they shouldn’t be able to deal with magic…. they are completely cut off from the fade,”  his voice was all but a gasp.

 

“His name is Sandal. He is very peculiar, almost in the way Cole is. I found him in Empress Celine’s court and convinced both her and his father to help me out. He is  amazing,  and he proves that we don’t know everything. Look at me now and tell me that there is no possibility of change,” her eyes were filled with hope, which made his answer that much harder.

 

“You know not what you ask, vehnan,” he sighed sadly.

 

“I ask for a chance, Solas. I chance to help this world move forward. Can you truly deny me this?” she forced him to look at her.

 

For long moments he stared into her emerald eyes. It was only fitting that her eyes would be the colour of hope. Everything flashed through his mind. How he had created the veil in hopes that it would change the world for the better. How he had misjudge Corypheus’ power. How he had underestimated his own knowledge. How he, in his pride, had thought the world lesser than it was. How he had misjudged her. He had not seen beyond the valaslin at first. He saw arrogance, were there was curiosity and a thirst for knowledge. He saw naivety instead of cautious wisdom. She had changed everything he believed and more than once made him want to give up on everything he had planned. He looked at the metal hand. His mark had almost killed her. His mark took everything from her. Her life, her faith and her hand - her ability to protect herself in a dangerous world, where he had helped making her a target. And there she sat next to him, not asking him to abandon his plans, but merely giving her the chance to help those, whom he had thought beyond help. He would not have to be alone, and in his heart he found faith that if anyone could make his is mistakes and horrific choices less it would be her.

 

“Asha Atisha... I cannot not deny you anything, my love. How can I ever ask you any forgiveness, when your humility and hope shame me so terribly?” he shook his head as he spoke.

 

He was surprised, when she straddled him and placed her arms around his neck.

 

“Just don’t push me away, vehnan. It brings nothing but misery and we are the strongest and wisest, when in each others company.”

 

He captured her lips in a desperate kiss. For ages beyond counting he had lived without a heart. The wolf had wandered alone, but finally he would have a companion that might temper his desperate nature. Some cultures - like the Qunari - could nothing but fall into ruins, when the time came, but maybe everything would not be lost, as two reflections of each other would once again become whole.

  
  


Elvish translation:

 

Adaran: Enter

Ir abelas: I am sorry

Emma lath: My love

Vehnan: my heart

Ar lath ma: I love you

Asha Atisha: peaceful woman


	2. The place where the sky is kept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose to continue this. It will probably be a shorter story, but there will be more chapters coming soon. Thank you so much for the Kudos and comments. I would love to hear if you have any suggestions as to the story and if there are any issues you would like me to explore.

Days turned into weeks and Solas kept a respectful distance to Milu. After all this time he was still frightened to get close to her. No matter how much he adored and loved her, she was a reminder of what was going to be lost, when he succeeded in his plans. Where before he would have felt nothing, now he felt a deep felt remorse, that inevitable led to doubts, questions and second guessings, that he could not afford. This journey had started before he had even awoken. His people had awoken him, calling out for help. He could no more ignore it than the Inquisitor could - the woman who even felt compassion for the wardens. And so he had always kept her at arms reach even as his love for her embraced everything he was. He could no longer perceive ending the world as a mercy, but realised it was. A sacrifice that would tear apart wonders and miracles kept in a world he had thought a mere dim reflection of the fade and what the world should be. Holding her close was even part in agony. So he had given her his bedroom as he stayed elsewhere in the temple. During his time in the inquisition he would not lay with her, because she did not know the truth. He would not make himself a monster. Now she knew everything - except the details of his plans - and he still kept his distance. He was frightened of giving her hope that she could change his mind, and even more terrified that if he held her just as close as he wanted - bound himself to her in more than just spirit - he would create an eternal bond that just might change his mind for him. And as he stood in a room he was trying to make habitable again, he looked down to the lower ruins. So many elves had joined from all of Thedas, praying and hoping that he would bring back the glory he once took from them. No, he could do nothing, but keep his distance from her. Of all things she was his greatest love, but also the greatest threat. No weapons, no opposition could tear him down as her gentle voice and caring eyes could. Mythal was the best of the Enavuris and Milu was the best of the people in this world. And the thought that she might die with it, made him feel like a no smaller traitor than the ancient mages he locked away.

 

Still, he had been more joyful during the past weeks, than he had been in a long while. He had kept her somewhat hidden from his followers, as he did not want to cause a stir. He did not want them to believe that she supported their cause wholeheartedly, when it wasn’t the whole truth. In his heart Solas knew, that had he been anyone else, her devotion would have been to fighting him and not joining him. She cared for the elven people greatly, but in her time as Inquisitor she had changed. She had long since stopped seeing shape of ears, stature or horns. She saw the essence of a person’s being and judged them for it - in reality this was far more terrifying than any weapon. Her recovery was slow, but steady. Where she before was as thin as a corpse, her figure had slowly returned to her. Her muscles had always been slim and graceful, but powerful, yet in her time with the inquisition her body had also changed. Her delights for anything sweet and a diet more rich than the one among the Dalish, had given her more curves. She began to look like a woman rather than a girl, and much like the elves of Arlathan. Elves were generally smaller than humans, but that was due to them living poorly in alienages, being slaves and alone in the wilderness for century upon century - not by original design. Solas was taller than most elves for this exact reason.  Just another proof of what the elves had suffered in his absence. Still there was hope for his people, if there were for the rest of the world - that left him with an unshakable feeling of doubt.

 

He walked to the bedroom bringing with him breakfast as he did every morning. He was fussing over her and though she teased him with it, he found nothing but joy in those moments. The reminder of her tied to the Qunari torturing device was still burned into his conscience night and day. So when he entered the room and saw her missing, he quickly began to grow concerned. When she wasn’t even in the connecting bath chamber, he felt a painful pulsation in his heart, but made his efforts to remain calm. He walked out the room and stopped on of his trusted agents - one of the few who knew Milu was present in the temple.

 

“Sketch, have you seen Lavellan?” Solas asked calmly approaching him.

 

Sketch was an apostate that had worked independently as a mercenary over the most of southern Thedas. This meant that he had many connections to the underworld, which had benefited their organization since he joined almost two years ago.

 

“What do you mean? I have a letter from you right here, telling me to let her through the eluvian,” Sketch looked confused as he held forward the note.

 

Solas looked at it and it could indeed have been written in his own hand, only he knew he hadn’t. Her skills in espionage had clearly enhanced greatly since he accompanied her. A skill that would prove useful, when writing secret letters no doubt. And Solas knew that there was enough scrolls and notes in his bedroom for her to find everything she needed to fake his handwriting.

 

“Have I done something wrong?” Sketch asked a little nervously.

 

“No, give it no further thought. The fault was mine. I will be back swiftly,” and his mind added “I hope”

 

He went through the closest eluvian and looked around the crossroads. She could not have gotten far - and there was a better chance of her getting lost than anything. Even if she managed to get out somewhere she would be in nothing but a nightgown and would have no way of returning through the eluvian. He was part fearful and part infuriated with her, but as he traced her path he discovered that she knew this way. She had made it easy for him to follow her, which made him certain that she had done so on purpose. He chuckled unbidden, when he discovered that she had activated the eluvian to the ancient library. He found her in a part of the library with one of the spirits right behind her as she looked through the books. He stood leaning against an archway for a while, before she commented on his presence.

 

“I know you are there, you know,” she stated calmly, not turning to face him.

 

“You left,” he replied dryly.

 

“So I did,” she said in a carefree voice.

 

“Did you believe yourself a prisoner since you had to go to such lengths to get here?” the tone of his voice was hard as an iron fist as he threw the note on the table next to her. She turned to look at him with a soft gaze.

 

“It was in the middle of the night, Solas. I did not want to wake you - not that I knew where you were anyhow. I know I should have waited, but I had an idea and I couldn’t rest. Can you forgive me?” her words spoken so softly that it send a longing shiver down his spine, and accompanied by a caring touch to his arm with her metal hand, he could nothing but forgive her. What right had he to scold her like a child, when she more than once had proved herself far wiser than him. A smile and a shake with his head was his answer and she smiled warmly at him in return. He looked at the books folded out on the table.

 

“You are researching Skyhold,” a statement full of curiosity.

 

“Correction, I am studying what came before Skyhold,” she clarified picking down a book and scanning it quickly to see if it was what she needed.

 

“Tarasyl'an Te'las?” his eyes narrowed.

 

“The place where the sky is kept. It is going slow, however, my elven being as poor as it is. The spirit here has been very helpful,” Milu replied smiling at the spirit.

 

“It is my function,” it stated as a matter of fact.

 

“It is still appreciated,”

 

“Vehnan, why did you not wait and tell me you were curious? I would have told you, what I knew,” his gaze soft as he spoke.

 

“Because you have been so forthcoming in the past,” she raised an eyebrow as she gave him a knowing look, that filled him with shame.

 

“I never withheld history or knowledge from you,” he tried to defend, but knew he looked like a wounded animal.

 

“Solas… vehnan…. Tel’halani. I know you love me, but one fact remains that we can’t ignore - you don’t trust me,” it was with a heavy sigh that she uttered the words, that cut him like knives.

 

“I….” he had so many arguments, but he paused. He wanted to say he trusted her with the power of his mark, but he had never had a choice in the matter. He had trusted her with the inquisition, but again it was not his choice. Nothing he had ever given her, any trust he had ever placed in her - even his heart - had been given to her out of trust. Though he thought more of her than anyone…

 

“I trusted you with my identity… eventually,” he tried, but realised quickly that he had failed.

 

“After two years of hiding from me. You only revealed it, when you knew there was no way around it. Tell me, Solas, do your agents wait so long for that knowledge to be known?” her voice was determined and sceptical, but there was no anger or cruelty hidden in it.

 

“Ir abelas, vehnan. I was always honest about what I felt,” he replied shamefully, and then he felt the metal hand on his shoulder and her warm hand of flesh and blood caressing his face.

 

“Tel’abelas… I do not want your apology. You cannot apologise for this more than you can for the sky being blue. I have accepted this and so should you,” there was a loving sentiment in the statement as she spoke, but he could not ignore the sadness that it carried as well.

 

“I wish it could be different,” his voice cracked with heavy regret.

 

“I know, and perhaps one day it will be,” she claimed his lips in a soft kiss that held a promise to always love him. She gave a giggle that surprised him and looked up at him.

 

“Still you always come to my rescue,” but before he could answer she had already gotten hold of a ladder preparing to take it to the bookcase. He smirked as he lifted the floor under her, and she gave a gasp, when he made it flow towards the bookcases with her on it.

 

“Show off…” she chuckled.

 

“Which one?”

 

“Third from the right, top shelf,” she instructed and he took it there.

 

“It is possible that what you are searching for might be lost,” he said with melancholy.

 

“I know, but I will at least try,” she answered with a mournful look in her eyes.

 

“So what are you looking for?” he asked with great interest.

 

“No spoilers,” was all she replied in a cheerful voice and he gathered that since he had so many secrets, she would be allowed hers as well.

 

As much as he could have spent eternity with her there, he soon left to take care of any business he had to attend to. He had studies of his owns and relics to recover that could not be ignored - not even for her. So he left her to her studies. When he had been gone for a while, Milu took forward her amulet from Dorian and smiled at the discovery that it worked even in the crossroads.

 

“Dorian?” she talked in a low voice leaning over a book, so that she could quickly hide it, should Solas return.

 

“Couldn’t bear to be without my handsome voice any longer?” he chuckled.

 

“I don’t know how much time I have, please listen carefully,” she insisted.

 

“Alright, alright, so serious today aren’t we?”

 

“I found him, Dorian. I found Solas - or rather he found me,” she clarified.

 

“So your plan worked… you know we were all quite worried for you. Thinking of what could have happened, I don’t know whether to feel relief or scold you for being so audacious,” there was more caring in his voice than anger.

 

“I know. I am sorry my dear friend. I know you must have been worried sick,” she apologized.

 

“I tried to find you, you know. Your skills are to your credit, it was impossible,”

 

“And yet you do not seem thrilled,” she chuckled.

 

“An understatement, I assure you,”  he groused, but the his voice sobered with warmth, “So, are you happy? Seeing you so distraught was almost making me look like a commoner from worry,”

 

She chuckled.

 

“Yes, I am happy. I know it is foolish, but I do love him with all my heart.” Dorian gave a sound in agreement, before she continued “But that is not why I contacted you. I found it. It is mostly in elven, and though I try, it will not translate as easily as I would wish. But what I have learned confirmed it,” she said in a still low but excited voice.

 

“Then our theory was correct? Remarkable…. we would still have to make sure that we can manipulate the veil safely and someone trusted on the both sides. Any way you could get any of the text for me? I would love to compare them to what I found in the Tevinter records,” Dorian said as he contemplated the implications.

 

“I will copy what I can, and see if I can get it to you as soon as possible,” she promised.

 

“That would be marvelous. Take care my friend. And no more valiant attempts at getting yourself killed. You are not useful to us dead,” he all but sneered, to which she merely chuckled.

 

“I miss you too. Take care.”

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

When back at the temple she decided to look for Solas. She was always nervous, when he wasn’t around. Close to the room she was currently staying in, there was another door. She figured that it must be one he had used, because she had heard that door open and close, whenever he had been near. She knocked, but heard no answer and then entered the room. It was another oval room, but this had a skylight instead of windows, making room for a lot of beautiful murals. it was filled with unlit candles and in the middle was an older bed with paints and brushes scattered on the floor beside it.  She lost her breath, when she saw the murals. They were different depictions of an elven woman with long red hair, light skin and green eyes. It did not take her more but a moment to realise that they were of her. In Skyhold Solas had painted the events of the Inquisition, but she had wondered why he had never included his love for her in any of them. But in his own temple, there was a room at least twice the size dedicated to her. First there was an image of her laying on the ground surrounded by darkness, as her hand glowed green and in behind her sat a black wolf watching over her. She smiled when she saw that her hair had been painted spilling over her form with grace and she was wearing a pure white dress not unlike the nightgown she was wearing.

 

“Solas, has taken some creative freedoms,” she smiled, knowing that she in no way could have looked as beautiful as she did on that mural.

 

The one after depicted her giving generous gifts to the poor and desperate with one hand, while her bow was aimed at those who seemed to want to do others harm.

 

The next was her, but she recognized the dwarf, the qunari, the human and the elf in front of her on the picture. All were they on a scale, that gave them the same weight as she held a beacon before them - all of them smiling. The only one whose expression was unseen was the elf behind her in a wolf’s mask. With one hand he reached for her longingly, but turning his head away and holding a hand to his heart at the same time.

 

She followed the murals and saw a particular beautiful one. She kneeled in front of the black wolf wearing a white and green dress, with her red hair spilling down her back - longer than it had ever been. She kissed the wolf on the nose and from the snout it began to turn white instead of black. She felt a warmth spread through her, that reminded her of just why she loved him as deeply as she did.

 

The last complete one caused her heart to ache painfully. It showed the elven Solas with a white wolf cloak remove her valaslin and depicted the entire scenario. How it got removed, a lingering deep felt kiss and at last the white wolf walking away with its head held low in sorrow, while she was on the ground in tears. She gasped as her hand came to her mouth and tears started flowing from her eyes.

 

“I never meant for you to see this,” Solas’ voice sounded soft in the background.

 

She turned and ran directly to him throwing her arms around his waist and capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. Solas embraced her instantly and kissed her back with equal fever. When she moaned, he couldn’t help but deepen it and softly caress her tongue with his, as his arms pressed her further into his chest. He almost chased her lips, when she pulled away carefully, but she was still close enough that he could feel her breath on his lips.

 

“Why the dresses?” she asked in a low voice as she tried to breathe.

 

“I remember your disappointment, when you didn’t get to wear a dress at Halam’Shiral. It was so easy to confuse you with just a symbol or a fighter. The world seemed to forget the gentleness in your nature and I wanted these to reflect that. Wanted to show the truth of who my heart truly was,” he explained softly and she giggled.

 

“I have worn plenty since though - Vivienne made sure of it,”

 

“I know… you looked particularly beautiful in the green dress you wore at the midsummer festival in Orlais some years back,” he smiled softly.

 

“How do you…?” she asked surprised.

 

“There was word of an assassination attempt on you. With Lelianna as Divine, I was not certain if your forces were aware of the attempt. I could not leave the responsibility of your life in the hands of my agents,”

 

He was rewarded with another heartfelt kiss. He had saved her from the assassins - very quickly and discreetly, but he had remained in the shadows wearing a mask and passing easily from one of the nobles servants. Watching her for far longer than he should have. She began pulling him gently towards the bed. It would be so easy to kiss her down her neck and give into her sighs of bliss and pleasure, but something resembling honour held him back. Gently he pushed her away from him and she gave him a look that reflected hurt. An expression of hers he was far too familiar with.

 

“Not like this, vehnan. Please, I…” his words faltered.

 

“It’s alright. Take the time you need,” she replied softly and stroked his cheek. He sighed and leaned his forehead to hers.

 

“Ar lath ma,” he whispered gently.

 

“I love you too… Now I have a favour to ask,”

 

“Yes?” he questioned not moving away from her.

 

“Not that I don’t love the nightgowns, but I need some real clothes,” she smiled up at him.

 

“I know. I have some for you. I just believed that you would take care of yourself longer and get well, if you did not have the option of exploring without being half naked,” he gave her a wry smile, “Clearly I was mistaken,” he took the wolf pelt of his armour and placed it around her shoulders.

 

Back in the bedroom he had given Milu some clothes and since his earlier reaction, she decided to change in the bathing chamber, that was filled with gold and white marble. A basin in the middle had for columns with green vines growing  up and around them and over the ceiling. It was beautiful and stayed in the exact place it was supposed to. There were crystals in the middle of the ceiling over the basin which seemed to be clumsily covering a hole. The basin was empty of water and she had no idea how to get enough water to fill it. Solas must have caught her staring at it in wonderment once again, because his voice sounded behind her.

 

“Let me show you,” he walked past her and place a hand on her lower back as he led her to one of the pillars. There he took her hand and placed it on a crystal found there. When the crystals began to glow Milu jumped when water started entering through the crystals in the ceiling, creating a small waterfall. She marvelled at the sight and still in her nightgown she walked into the basin. She looked at Solas with astonishment as she touched the water.

 

“It’s warm!” and he gave a heartfelt smile as his reply. She remembered that look all too well. It was like the ones he had given her in Haven and Skyhold, whenever she had discovered some marvel or showed a desire in learning more. She walked closer to the water rushing in and barely felt in warm waterdrops soaking her dress.

 

“It is the crystals,” she smiled and turned to see Solas observing her with one of his mournful looks.

 

“I will give you privacy,” he said softly before leaving the room.

 

“Solas wait. Would you help me with my arm?” she asked carefully and he turned with a nod.

 

He walked over to her and helped her with the straps holding the metal contraption in place. His heart ached, when he saw the blisters and bruises it caused her - even from limited use. He had not once seen her complain, but there was no doubt that her elbow (where it was attached) was causing her a lot of pain. When he healed it she gave a sigh of relief and he gave her forehead a small kiss. His eyes were tempted to drift along her body, but he restrained himself and merely gave her a kiss on her cheek before leaving.

 

It was painful for her to know that he could not look at her without also feeling a desperate pain. She knew that in the fade Cole followed him and kept him company. Cole had said as much at their last meeting at the Winter Palace. Suddenly she realised that her dress was completely soaked and the thin white dress hid nothing. Every curve and the expanse of her breasts were noticeable and she figured that it must have been what provoked the sorrow in Solas’ eyes. He was never a man to be shy, but she had learned that he had a sense of honour greater than any she had met before. He had never touched her beyond the basic touches of affection, and there was no doubt he did so out of respect for her - as if she would be tainted and it would have been immoral for him to take the love she was willing to give. She had never had the courage to ask him about it. Just waiting for him to adjust and come to her on his own. And now, even in his temple, she still wondered if she would wait for him forever - the chilling part being that she would be willing to. After bathing she dressed in the clothes Solas had provided for her. Without the pain the arm was always easier to put on than take off. The clothes were also contained pieces of armour with a long coat accompanying it. Her heart stilled at that and she felt herself trembling as she entered the next room, where Solas was standing leaned over his desk.

 

“You’re expecting me to leave, aren’t you?” her voice as calm as she could make it.

 

He turned to face her with sorrow, that plagued his eyes, still remaining.

 

“I would not keep you from your people,” he answered and in a few hurried steps she was holding both his arms. It chilled him to know that even through the gloves, he could feel the metal arm and hand.

 

“Solas, I can’t bear to think of you alone. Please do not turn me away again. I will return. For each time you will try, I will find you. I will never stop! I…” he silenced her with a gentle kiss.

 

“I know. I have a gift for you. Come with me vehnan,”

 

He walked towards a mural in the bedroom that depicted a wolf with crystal grace twisted around it gracefully - not restraining it but rather comforting it. It wasn’t until she got closer she really took time to look at it. The crystal grace was forming a woman with green eyes and the red leaves of another plant created her hair. She would not even have thought of it as being her, if not for the murals she saw earlier. She was everywhere.

 

“Solas…” she uttered softly giving his still armoured arm a tight squeeze and resting her head on the wolf pelt covering his shoulder. He gazed at her with fondness and the wall retracted into the wall next to it. Behind it was an eluvian. He turned to her and placed a necklace around her neck. His jawbone necklace. She looked up at him with astonishment.

 

“It is a key for this eluvian and the three you will find behind it. You will be able to travel between Orlais, Ferelden and the Freemarches from there - and back here naturally,” he explained softly.

 

“Ma serannas ma lath. How does it work?” she asked with a bright smile.

 

“With the words Vehnan Fen’Harel ”, he replied with a gentle smile.

 

“The Dread wolf’s heart,” she whispered and captured his lips in hers for a lingering kiss.

 

“If this doesn’t work, when I wish to return...” she said warningly walking towards the eluvian.

 

“It will. You have my word,” and he smiled at the realisation that at least that was something that he had never broken. To her he had always kept his word.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven translation:
> 
>  
> 
> Vehnan: my heart or simply heart
> 
> Tel’halani: Don’t help me/ I do not want your help
> 
> Ar lath ma: I love you
> 
> Ma lath: my love


	3. Asha Atisha - The woman of peace

Solas had expected not to see his love for days, but it had been weeks since she disappeared through the eluvian. He was getting increasingly concerned for her, but when he found her in the fade she seemed perfectly healthy. There was always something merciful and compassionate in her looks, but he dared not get closer to her - even in the fade. If it was habit or fear that stopped him, he could not be certain, but the sorrow and shame that cursed his heart was magnified by her presence - it being physical or mental. He heard no news from his spies and agents of her. Being apart from her had always been difficult, but for the first time, she had been the one to leave him. And though he should be somewhat relieved he felt nothing but misery. Despite all his knowledge and cunning, this her long absence he could not understand - though it was entirely possible that, where she was going was far from any of the eluvians he had provided for her. Perhaps it had been a mistake to give her those, but he found that he could deny her no further.

 

“Good, you shouldn’t. You need her to remind you of who you are, not the monster you think you must become,”

 

Solas looked at his spirit friend. Since Cole had entered back into the fade he had kept him company. Solas even suspected that it was only for him, that he had done so. 

 

“I am not Corypheus,” Solas insisted.

 

“I did not say you were. No one has, and yet you always make an effort to point it out,” Cole replied looking at Solas as if he expected it to be a revelation.

 

“But what must she think of me after all I have done? Everything I am going to do,” Solas sighed heavily.

 

“She thinks that you care deeply for your people and that your mourn them deeply. But mostly she senses sorrow in you… mind twisting, turning, hurting… Should not be real, but feels real… She loves you very much, Solas… she wants to help,” the spirit said softly.

 

Solas stared into the lake before them. He remembered a time, where you did not have to be asleep to enjoy the wonders of it. While the elves would walk, bathe and drink from it, wisps would play and spirits linger in anything around them. Now the lake had turned quiet in both realms, like a tomb housing nothing but memories.

“She wants to save her world. She only comes to me in hopes that she can change my mind,” Solas answered solemnly.

 

“You are wrong. She comes because she loves you. She does not want to see you lose yourself,”

 

“Even so, I cannot turn back now. I must set everything right,” Solas replied getting up from the ground they sat on.

 

“I know… How will dwarves experience everything, when the veil is gone? Will Varric see me?” Cole’s voice tender and full of hope.

 

Solas felt his heart cringe. So many things would be lost and if not even the spirits could remember, how would this ever turn out right.

 

“Oh…. I hurt you… I am sorry,” Cole replied mournfully, before saying in a low voice, “I will miss him,” 

 

The guilt tore Solas from the dream, and when he awoke his body was trembling from all the emotions cascading inside his chest. Cole had not meant to upset him, he knew that, but Solas was beginning to realise that though his failings to the elven people would be rectified, it would only be replaced with another burden - one that would follow him every day of his immortal life.

 

“Bad dream?” he heard a soft voice ask as a hand reached up to caress his cheek. He turned in bed to see that Milu was laying beside him. Had he not just awoken he would have thought it a dream. She had her head on the pillow, her half arm pressed against her pillow as well and looked at him through lidded eyes.

 

“Do you have a friend in trouble? I will help you, if it has been captured,” she promised still half asleep.

 

“Thank you, vehnan. No nothing has happened. My thoughts just weigh heavy on me,” he sighed, but still managed to smile at the sight of her lovely face.

 

With her hand she guided him back down in bed and pulled him close to her. Her legs wrapped around his and with her arm around his waist, he felt more at ease. Though he could not find the desire to return to the fade, he enjoyed having her this close. Even during his time at Skyhold he had never slept next to her - with the exception of sharing a tent with her and their companions. Having her so close was as intoxicating as he had feared. She had a scent of jasmine flowers and vanilla, that Cole had not let him forget. The spirit would always create this scent, whenever Solas met him in the fade. Being in the physical world had given Cole a special flair for the romantic, that made the spirit determined to not let Solas’ heart forget. Solas wondered at the effort, for there was no way that he would ever recover from the effect Milu had on him. He felt himself pull her tighter to his body, unshed tears still lingering in his eyes. He gave a trembled breath that calmed, when she softly kissed his throat. Not many minutes  passed before she was back asleep, where Cole was undoubtedly looking out for her.

 

When he awoke he realised that he hadn’t even noticed himself drifting into the fade again. The red and golden morning sun lit the room and he turned to see Milu with her back turned to him and in the door. It reflected beautifully in her red waves and the nightgown she was wearing. It had several layers of white fabric, so light that the slightest breeze would stir it, a emerald band around her waist defining her figure and a V-cut in both front and back gave him a far more generous view of skin, than was good for his sanity. He had not told her, but the dress had been sealed in his temple with a number of other clothes from the time of Arlathan - magic protecting it for the degradation of time and insects. It had been a gift from Mythal - one of her less subtle hints that he should find someone to share his burden and life. “ Wolves do not live alone ,” she had said to him. Ironic that she was betrayed in love, when she and the woman who had been her host for centuries had sacrificed the most for it. Though he had given up such hopes of devotion, he had kept it. It had become even more sentimental for him after Mythal’s murder. He was drawn from his thoughts by the conversation in the door.

 

“Are you sure you can carry it? I would be happy to…” Sketch’s voice tried.

 

“Ma serannas, but it is not necessary. I should be able to do this on my own,” Milu insisted carefully trying to carry a tray on her one arm, while pushing the door closed with the elbow of the other. She did not have to carry it far as Solas was swiftly in front of her taking it and placing it on the bed. Milu gave a heavy sigh and from her expression Solas could see that it bothered her.

 

“I hate feeling helpless,” she breathed and Solas greeted her, when she approached the foot of the bed, by holding his hands on her shoulders and kissing her forehead. Beyond that there was nothing he could say and nothing he could offer. If not for his mistakes she would still be whole. But had he succeeded, he would never have had the opportunity to fall in love with her - perhaps she would not have been alive for him to meet her - and that thought sickened him. It wasn’t until her hand and fingers traced across his chest, that he remembered that he had slept in nothing but his breeches.

 

“I don’t think I have ever seen you dressed in so little,” she murmured and her fingers caressing his stomach send a shivering sensation down his spine. It took all his control to breathe evenly. For years beyond counting he had not been touched by a woman, and the fact that it was  her  did not lessen the effect it had on him. The lingering kiss she gave him on his neck, as her hand traced his lower stomach, nearly made him come undone, but no matter how much he wished for it, he could not give into it.

 

“Perhaps, we should eat. It would not be polite of me to ignore it long enough to get cold,” he reasoned, his voice barely being even as he spoke. Wordlessly she withdrew and grabbed her shirt, covering herself from his view. With a heavy heart he did the same. How long could he drive her away before she finally turned from him for good? 

 

“That agent of yours, seems quite pleasant,” she began as if nothing had occurred, while sitting down on the bed.

 

“He is - and he can be trusted,” Solas replied and Milu offered him a gentle smile as a reply. He cringed his nose, when he saw her pour some tea and she gave a genuine laugh looking at his face. He eyes were dancing brightly and she could not have looked more beautiful than she did at that moment. So rarely he saw and heard her laugh - even when with the Inquisition. Life had been a burden and her laugh had become a rare miracle.

 

“I brought plenty of milk and honey for you the water it down,” she tried to sober herself, before continuing, “I figured since you were so restless last night, that you might need it,” her eyes kind as she spoke.

 

“Thank you vehnan,” his reply loving as he kissed her cheek,”I did not expect you to be gone so long,” he continued.

 

“I visited Kirkwall and then Wycome, where my clan is. Varric has given my clan power in the Freemarches. It is not going smoothly,” Milu replied with a chuckle.

 

“Yes, I heard. For a child of the stone, he is not very cautious,” Solas stated in part fondness and part astonishment at the recklessness.

 

“He tried to take care of me. Especially after Cole is gone… I think he hoped that if there was humanity in Cole, maybe there could be some in Justice,” she mused before taking a sip of her tea.

 

“Justice?” he enquired.

 

“The spirit that possessed the mage, who blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall. I met him a few years back - Anders not Justice, sort of. He was not what I expected,” she replied calmly as she reach for a piece of bread.

 

“How so?”

 

The look she gave him almost made him regret asking.

 

“He reminded me of you,” 

 

His next unspoken question got answered almost immediately, “He is very kind, generous and cares a great deal about his people. But there is something infinitely sad in him - What he did, it haunts him. I have never seen anyone so broken. If not for Hawke I don’t know if he would still live,” she sobered herself, and changed the subject,”How is Cole? Is he happy back in the fade?” her lively eyes tore Solas from another trail of mournful thoughts.

 

“He is. I see him frequently. It often warms my heart to think of how kind and thoughtful you were to him, when he needed a friend the most,” there was a fond expression on his face as he talked.

 

“You were as much a friend to him as I ever was. You understood him far better than I ever could,” she replied a little shyly.

 

“You always give yourself too little credit,” he reached out to place a stray wave of hair behind her ear.

 

“I miss him though. I think he visits me in my dreams, but I can’t be sure. I never wanted to be anyone but who I am, but when I miss him I wish I could enter the fade and talk to him. But that would require me being a mage,” she winked at him and then sighed, “I miss the fade,”

 

She was a little startled, when she felt Solas’ lips pressed against hers in a loving kiss. She hummed with pleasure as he pressed her down against the bed. She had never felt the weight of his body in such a way and it made her believe that perhaps she could change his heart. It wasn’t until she saw herself in the fade that she realised, what his intentions had been. He was standing beside her in full armour again. A layer that seemed to be more protection from her than from any weapon. She knew that her lover was more powerful than any other mage she had ever met, and had a hard time imagining any weapon hurting him. He smiled fondly at her as he encouraged her to look behind her with his hand. When she turned, she saw a beautiful pure white light, that quickly took the form of a young man. Milu ran to him and threw her arm around his neck. With a happy chuckle Cole embraced her, but when he let go looked at her with fascination.

 

“You are here, but not. Thoughts usually slipping, jumping, never held in one place, but now they are. You are more you - not that you are not always you,” Cole said fondly.

 

“Solas took me here. I am so happy to see you! Are you happy? Are you well? Did you get through easily enough?” she ranted and in the background she heard Solas giving a small goodnatured chuckle.

 

“Always worried and caring... for me. Gentle, warm and peaceful. I am well. You weren’t, but now you are,”

 

“Let us walk. I want to hear everything you have been up to,” Milu said fondly and wrapped her one arm in Cole’s and began walking.

 

“Here,” Cole said in a soft voice and touched elbow, where the rest of her arm was missing. As if by a flash of light, she had her entire arm back, before she could respond Cole said in a mournful voice, “It is not real. It can only be here. I am sorry,”

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, my dearest friend,”

 

As the spirit and his love walked ahead, Solas walked behind watching them and listening to their conversation. He had done so many times during their time in the inquisition. He had been fascinated with Milu very shortly after he met her, but after Cole joined them a new fascination for her had begun. The spirit did not discriminate, but was often pushed away because of what he was. Milu accepted him without hesitation and during their conversations Solas started to realise just how kind her heart was. Her peaceful nature was not what he expected from the Dalish - a group of elves he saw as nothing but thugs. He was so deep in his thoughts that he had completely forgotten the ancient memories, that still lingered in this part of the fade. His temple was the first refuge of many he had built over the course of the war. This one was from a time, where the Evanuris still had not yet seen the full might of the Dread Wolf’s wrath, power and honour. Too late he realised that they were approaching the fade reflection of the grand hall of the temple. A grand door was at the center of one of the grand walls and opposite it a Eluvian. It was filled with flora and trees making it seem alive, while the floor was golden and the walls white marble filled with murals. In the middle was a round table with chairs around it - the table a magical chart over Arlathan.

 

“We should not linger here,” Solas tried, but it was too late.

 

The door burst open and in came a tall elf with slightly darkened skin. His hair was as black as oil and almost looked liquid. His eyes were golden, but at the center was reflections of red, making his eyes look deadly. He was almost encrusted with gold and bloodstones - his clothes not robes, but armour, and dragging behind him a long abony cape. His ears had gold attached to the top of them and on his forehead lingered a crown in the shape of a valaslin. Beside him were two guards fully armoured, branded with that exact valaslin. Milu looked at the man already reaching for her weapon - not realising that it wasn’t there, until recognition passed her face.

 

“Falon’din,” she uttered with a breath and looked to Solas for confirmation.

 

“A reenactment of him,” Solas sighed and stood beside Milu and Cole. He knew that she would not leave after seeing this. There was nothing that could be done. She would see the scenario no matter what. Solas placed a hand on her shoulder, knowing that her understanding of elven was very limited. In the fade he could guide her understanding of the words.

 

“A spirit, but not. Turned and twisted, feels only burning inside itself. It believes itself above everyone,” Cole muttered, “but there is another,”

 

And just then a very young Solas appeared through the Eluvian. He was wearing simple clothes, his long brown hair tied away, and the only thing really noticeable about him, was the skull attached to his forehead. He looked at Falon’din with a calm demeanour.

 

“Aah, there you are, Solas. You never were one much for company,” Falon’din said with superiority that almost straightened his back to make him look an inch taller.

 

“Not exactly true, it merely depends on the company,” spirit Solas remarked with a smirk, but Falon’din did not seem insulted, but merely maintained his superior attitude.

 

“And it shows. Your fascination with the spirits have made you quite the poor host. No slaves, no guards and no refreshments even though I have been here for several minutes,” Falon’din replied clucking his tongue.

 

“As you say, I rarely have guests in need of attention, so no need for  servants ,” he stressed the word, his despise of slaves obvious to all but Falon’din, “As for guards, I was not aware that I needed any,”

 

Falon’din merely replied with a huff and snapped his fingers. In came five slaves with his valaslin branded into their forehead, carrying a wide variety of exoctic fruits, wine, meats and even fabrics. Quickly they turned the room into a feast that would challenge any Orlisian banquette. Without him asking, the slaves removed Falon’din’s cape and with a carelessness you would expect someone to show in only their own home, he placed himself comfortably in one of the chairs with his feet on the table. Had it not been enough to cause insult, he gestured for spirit Solas to sit down. He, however, was calm and sat down, thanking a slave as she poured him wine. The slaves placed themselves near the walls on their knees and hands pressed to the hard floor. Their heads lowered in submission, looking only into the golden tile. Spirit Solas’ eyes were burning with rage, Milu noted. It was so faint that she would wager that unless you knew him very well, you would have no idea, what he was feeling. She placed her hand on the real Solas’ hand and let her thumb caress it, as if she meant to calm him.

 

“You should not be so prideful of my slaves, Solas,” Falon’din began, “I see plenty of gold here. Where does that come from if not for slaves?” his smile as arrogant as if he had caught Solas of guard.

 

“I traded with the children of the stone,” spirit Solas replied, as a small smirk caressed his lips as he drank of the wine. Falon’din gave a disgusted huff.

 

“The vermin that cowers under ground? How could you associate with such? They can’t even stand on the ground above,” the god of death half chuckled his detest of the race.

 

“We might all hesitate to venture somewhere, where we could not keep our footing,” spirit Solas replied.

 

A revelation dawned on Milu as they kept talking. She turned to Solas, who looked at her patiently waiting her question so that he might answer.

 

“The dwarfs in Orzammar are afraid to venture to the surface. They believe that they will be fall up into the sky. Before you created the veil, that actually happened didn’t it?” Milu was greeted with a soft smile from Solas.

 

“Not completely, but dwarfs are not part of the fade. They can not coexist with it, as we do. So naturally, when someone, who can’t dream enters a place that does, the effects can be unforeseeable,” Solas tried to explain.

 

“Looking, gazing, the sky so vast and bright. Try to reach it. Thoughts become real and feet no longer listen,” Cole mumbled.

 

“So they would be fascinated that they hadn’t seen the sky before and reach for it, and not knowing if they couldn’t or not the magic would lift them. They weren’t use to dreaming, so they would have no control and never seen the sky before they didn’t know it would be impossible to reach it…. Poor dwarves!” Milu tried to stop herself from smiling, but the imagery was too funny to ignore. The conversation between spirit Solas and Falon’din had taken a different turn.

 

“You must join us, Solas. The world is changing, and you always were the fiercest warrior,” Falon’din encouraged.

 

“I have no interest in more war. I tire of the conflict and despair that is both prior and after,” spirit Solas replied.

 

Falon’din laughed.

 

“You?! Don’t tell me that the wolf has lost the taste for blood? You were the first to jump into a battle. You even still wear that memento of war on your head,” Falon’din continued to chuckle in a way that gave Milu a chilling sensation.

 

Spirit Solas calmly placed his wine glass on the table and reached for a small slice of fruit.

 

“That was then. I am older now - wiser,” he replied calmly, but Falon’din gave a doubtful and amused huff.

 

“Wiser? Is that so? Or maybe the wolf is just scared? Is that who you are now, Solas? A dread wolf?” Falon’din roared with laughter as he got up. The slaves quickly got up and helped him his cape back on. He was still chuckling with delight as he walked through the door. He turned slightly, his vengeful eyes still dancing with amusement.

 

“As you will, Solas. You can cower here alone, if you so desire. Till we meet again,” Falon’din’s smile grew wider as he laughed the next part, “ Fen’harel!”.

 

Falon’din’s roar of laughter could still be heard, when spirit Solas tore the skull from his forehead and threw it into the wall, where it shattered. Milu walked over to the door, where she kicked it with tremendous force.

 

“Fenhedis lasa! May the Dread Wolf take you, you arrogant ass! In fact I know he will, you monster!” Milu roared at the door, but felt Solas’ hands on her shoulders as his warm chuckle caressed her neck.

 

“There, there, Vehnan… You can save your voice. Only the spirits will hear you, and that one has been twisted into a pride demon,” his voice was amused as he spoke and when Milu turned, it brightened at her disgruntled expression. He placed a soft kiss on her lips, and was rewarded with a loving smile in return.

 

“Solas?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“What war was he talking about?” Milu asked and Solas made a heavy sigh.

 

“Some of the slaves had begun to rebel on their own. It wasn’t large or organized, but it was enough for Falon’din and Andruil to consider it amusement. They lusted for more power and it escalated with Mythal’s murder. If I had just pretended, perhaps I could have discovered their plans…” this time Solas was the one silenced by a hushing sound and a soft touch to his cheek.

 

Milu said goodbye to Cole and had Solas return with her to a waking state. When he awoke she was stroking his face lovingly.

 

“Get dressed. I think we better get some fresh air, don’t you,” Milu suggested.

  
“Perhaps, you are right,” Solas replied and got out of bed vigorously trying not to watch Milu as she got dressed. She was so beautiful and hopeful, but he could not allow himself to get complacent with the hope of peace. When last he did so, it resulted in him not being able to prevent Mythal’s death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter :) It might seem like a filler, but there is some information that will be necessary later. Please let me know, what you think.
> 
> Thank you so much for Kudos, comments and bookmarks. It means a lot and keeps me motivated.
> 
> I came across a song by Florence and the Machine, that describes the relationship between my interpretation of Solas and Milu Lavellan perfectly. It is called "Queen of Peace".


	4. Lessons hard to learn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To avoid light smut don't read between the *****

Lessons hard to learn

Milu gave a frustrated cry, as she for the fourth time tried to braid her hair. The metal arm helped her with some tasks, but there was no doubt that it still left her less capable than before. It ached Solas’ heart to see his love in such a state. He tried to remind himself that at least she was alive. He had not thought it possible, when he had kissed her goodbye after dealing with the Qunari. By now he should expect the impossible from her - predict the sacrifices she was willing to make for what she considered the greater good. He walked up behind her and took the brush from her. Carefully he untangled her hair and realised that some had gotten stuck in the metal hand. He reached out to help her with it and kissed her cheek softly seeing her frustrated expression.

“I am sorry. I should be able to do this on my own… thank you,” she said in a low embarrassed voice.

“There is no need for that. It is only fitting that I should do this for you,” he offered with compassion as he braided her long red waves to the side, so it came down over her right shoulder. She looked at it and made a slightly impressed face.

“Impressive. Not as extravagant as anything Josephine does, but this is very beautiful. It suits me better, I think,” she smiled kindly at him.

“It has been a while, but since I did not rely on slaves or servants, I needed to do something similar… though it has been a long time,” he smiled sheepishly and she stroked his head.

“It was strange seeing you like that,” she answered stroking further down his bald head and towards his neck.

“Did you prefer it?” he asked with slight amusement.

“No, it was just different. This is my Solas. It is familiar and makes me feel safe,” she replied giving him a kiss.

“Would you like to see the camps, where our people are?” he asked with sudden enthusiasme.

“I’d love too, but what if they realise who I am? Things could get complicated,” she questioned.

He reached for a pair of gloves and gave them to her.

“You are not the Inquisitor. She has one one arm,” he replied with a smirk.

“Of course. And you are you going to be wearing that armour?” she gave him a thoughtful look.

“I thought I was done getting comments on my attire, when I left the Inquisition,” he grumbled, but with some amusement evident in his eyes.

Milu chuckled.

“You look very handsome, but my point was… When I learned about the Evanuris, the murals were very insistent upon you not being a god. And you are very powerful, but you do not need to express it so clearly to anyone, but your enemies,” she expressed softly stroking the wolf pelt with her hand.

“You have a point,” he replied and started unbuckling the armour with his magic.

“Now you are just showing off,” Milu grumbled and he laughed.

When they went through the temple, he was wearing nothing but a shirt, a vest, trousers and boots. Milu would stop every so often studying her surroundings and he had to smile, whenever she absorbed something new with great curiosity. He would love to share all the knowledge he had with her, because he knew no one would appreciate it so greatly or use it as wisely. He felt as happy and carefree as he had done during some of his time with the Inquisition. His plans on hold, he had forgotten them for a little while, and devoted himself to loving and teaching her. Had he been no one but Solas, he would have spent the last few years at her side, enjoying her companionship and taught her as he had always wanted to. And when she had disbanded the inquisition - like he always knew she would eventually - they would have explored Thedas for wonders both in and outside the fade. Finally they would live secluded in a cottage in the woods only venturing from it, when she wanted to see her friends or perhaps her clan. Those thoughts were a tempting paradise that almost had him lose his way. He had almost contemplated, postponing everything. Live with her until she had died of age and not until then set his plan in motion. But the wheels were turning before he met her, and her death was something he could not bear. Be as it may, this way he might restore her to what she was supposed to be and she would not die. She might still, but not because he was complacent. 

When they finally reached the camps in the inner courtyard it was filled with elves trying to built their homes. The crowd was far too busy to notice them and he wished for it to always be like this. He did not seek recognition or acknowledgement, merely happiness for his people. He was distracted for a moment, when one of his agents sought him out, and when he turned he could not find Milu anywhere. For a minute, that felt like an hour, he looked only to find her on the top of a roof, helping the people building the house. She tried to nail down the wooden roof tiles, but her metal fingers kept dropping the nails, leaving her frustrated. With his magic he held the nail in place for her, as he stood on the ground beneath her. At first she looked astonished until she saw him and she chuckled a thank you.

“I think I am going to have Dagna make my fingertips magnetic,” she chuckled.

“Inventive idea for sure.... You do not have to this,” he said fondly.

“Now you sound like Josie, when I began helping at Skyhold. Hand me some more nails, please," 

“I more distinctly remember Vivienne’s expression, when she saw you crawling around the upper levels of Skyhold covered in paint,” he chuckled handing her the nails.

“Now that, I remember. She had a frown for days after that. You’d think a mage would have been more useful. Which reminds me,” she turned her attention to the elves building the house, “My friend here can help you with that wall,” she gestured at Solas, who merely shook his head in amusement, before helping.

With his magic he raised entire walls, the craftsmen had build, and whenever Milu wouldn’t notice he would protect her. Helping her hold her balance and making sure that she did not drop things as often as she would have other wise. As the day passed they had helped several families with their new homes, the simplicity of it something Solas enjoyed more than he had ever thought possible. They were invited to stay for the evening for a celebration. Solas had been too concerned with his plans at that point, to actually spent any time with the people he wanted to save. That and his casual attire resulted in no one suspecting who he actually was, and since it among the elves were known, that the Inquisitor had shown no interest in the cause, no one even suspected her identity. That along with the Inquisition haven been dissolved almost two years prior and her hiding her missing limb, no one seemed the wiser. While Solas helped with making a bonfire and help organise the built further, he had not seen Milu, but he was not concerned. He didn’t see her until the elves gathered up the feast. Everyone brought something and Solas noted that the cuisine was as varied as from where the elves had come. Stews, roasts and heavier dishes from Ferelden. More refined dishes from Orlais, even as they were not entrees that the nobility would have ever tasted. Spicy sauces with fresh meat and vegetables from Rivain and sausages from the Freemarches. Most of them were simple dishes farmers or servants would eat, but they all had a distinct flavour and custom from each country. Even the delectable flavours and scents could not remove one thought from his mind, as he could not determine if this gathering of foods represented everything that would be lost or everything that would preserved, once the final pieces of his plan fell into place. It wasn’t until he heard a familiar laugh that he was drawn from his depressing thoughts. Milu was talking to an older elven woman. Unlike her clothes before she was now wearing a red simple dress, but as she twirled it spun around beautifully. The old woman started dragging at Milu’s brown gloves, insisting that they should be removed, but Milu tried to decline. Solas came to her rescue as he called for her and reached for her, placing his arm around her shoulders as she came closer.

“She insisted that I could not wear my unbecoming and dirty clothes - which she, by the way, insisted that she wash,” Milu chuckled good naturedly, which brought a fond smile to Solas’ lips.

“So I figured,” he stated, when he saw Miu’s expression turn concerned as she looked at the feast, biting her lips.

“We have brought nothing…” she whispered in shame.

“We brought wine,” he replied making a small gesture to three large barrels of wine and she chuckled.

“Where did you get that from?”

“It seems that smugglers used to hide their goods here. They were long forgotten before I arrived here. The wine is still in excellent condition, however,”

Joining in the feast, Solas could not shake the feeling that even though he and Milu were talking to others and enjoying the festivities, they were still apart. They did not look out of place, but their introvert natures made them always observers more than participants. When the music started playing he walked over to her.

“Dance with me, vehnan!” he said enthusiastically, as he had done at Halamshiral years ago.

To the energetic tunes he turned and twirled her, only getting even more enthusiastic as she laughed and blushed. At the end of the song he lifted her and spun her in the air before putting her back on the ground. She placed her arms around his neck and held him tight as she murmured with a breathless chuckle in his ear.

“I love you, Solas,”

He had heard those words before, but for the first time he had heard them expressed with happiness. It wasn’t a plea for him to stay or a statement meant to persuade him. It was pure and not heavied down by grief or distress. It made his heart beat a familiar rhythm, that was much more potent than ever before. When he met her green eyes, they were lively with joy and a mischief, that he hadn’t seen in far too long.

“So, Dread Wolf,” she whispered so close he could feel her breath on his lips, “Can you compete with a Dalish hunter?” her voice almost seductive before she began running. Solas gave her a daring glance before he finally ran after her. He followed her through the overgrown ruins and revelled in the way she would gracefully jump over broken trees and rocks, while dodging under branches, not even her dress getting caught. When he finally made an effort to catch her it was a hill with soft grass, where you could look towards a lake and hear the waterfall near by. When she turned he captured her lips in a bruising kiss as they fell to the ground. He was still on top of her when they ended the kiss with amused breaths coming from them both. Carelessly she stretched in the grass beneath him, as the moonlight caressed and enhanced her feature as if it were daylight. He felt his chest both tighten and expand at the same time. It was like an unbearable rush running through him, that he knew he could not feel elated without. As if she knew what he was feeling she giggled looking into his eyes. The giggle turned into a hum as he captured her lips in a passionate kiss. 

*****  
She pulled the glove from her actual hand, before it caressed his neck, touching the available skin with a tender affection that spread through him like a comforting warmth. He placed the arm he leaned on next to her shoulder, so that he might caress her face and hair. His other was placed on her waist, and soon expressed a will of its own, as he desired to feel more of her. When she moaned and pressed herself against him, he felt nothing but her and wine. His lips travelled down her neck and nibbled there. He was rewarded with a loving moan and her hand holding his head closer to her. He had not noticed her leg between his until she lifted herself slightly from the ground, and he felt the warmth of her thigh press against a hardness, he had not yet contemplated.

“You are so beautiful, my love,” he whispered hoarsely as his lips travelled along her collarbone and the top of her breasts.

“And I am all yours,” she giggled breathlessly and he looked up at her to find her blushing. His lips caught hers again, while he stroked his hardness against her thigh, an action that drew a strangled breath from them both. His hand travelled under her dress and up her thigh as he uttered a groan at the softness of it. His thumb travelled along the inside her thigh and she pressed her lower body against him, as if mean to relief tension. He raised himself a little so he could see her face. Her cheeks were flushed in a way he had never seen, her breathing as breathless as he had ever heard and her eyes closed seemed at peace. When she opened them a little to look at him, his hand kept travelling close to brushing her small clothes.

*****

“Ar lath ma,” he whispered with love.

“Ir glandival var lath,” she replied with deep feeling, and emotions tangled in his heart for far too long seemed to be released all at once. Their lips collided with unspoken words of devotion, when both of them stopped suddenly.

“Footsteps,” Milu determined in a low voice.

“I hear them,” he answered and got to his feet.

He was already on the defensive, when he heard someone calling for him.

“Fenharel!”

Milu got up as the elf approached and Solas walked over to him. She cursed the sound of the waterfall nearby and their hushed voices, as she could not hear what they were saying. She would, however, not approach as she knew it would not be welcome. Solas came back to her with a mournful expression that she knew all too well.

“Ir abelas, vehnan. Something urgent has come up that I must attend to. I am sorry,” he said with a regretful sigh as he took her one hand with his and stroked her face with the other.

“I know. Go…. Will I see you when you come back?” there was a small tremble in her voice that she could not hide.

“Definitely.” he promised before kissing her thoroughly. 

______________________________________________________________________________ 

A few days had passed, when Solas finally returned to the temple. It took him some time to find Milu, as she had gone down into the camps, but this time he had not bothered to change out of his regal armour. He was eager to see her, as the taste of her still lingered on his lips, her touch still felt on his body and a fire in his heart left unquelled by the distance. When he found her it was of course in the middle of a noticeable commotion. She was having a heated argument with another elf, when Solas realised that on the ground was a human hunter, who was bound and beaten. There was a disappointment in his heart that he could barely contain, but for now he was more interested in breaking up the riot than adding to it.

“It is just a shemlen!” the elf insisted, as if that argument was a reasonable one.

“He is no more a shemlen, than you have knives for ears! If you truly aspire to be something greater than you are, do not fall so low as to adopt the pride and arrogance of humans!” Milu replied with venom as she kneeled in front of the hunter and gave him something to drink.

“I was just trying to get dinner for my family,” the hunter tried with a hushed breath, and when one of the elves tried to kick him for speaking, Milu grabbed the elf’s leg and pulled him flat on the ground.

“He was hunting on OUR grounds!” the elf roared.

“And how was he supposed to know that you had suddenly claimed it?” she snapped in return and at that moment Solas stepped forward. The crowd fell silent like children discovered misbehaving by a father. Only Milu did not pay him any attention, as she was trying to tend to the wounded hunter.

“I would not see anyone treated in such a way. Surely, you can all see that this is beneath you? A man feeding his family is not a crime,” Solas said loudly and firmly, but calmly.

He crouched next to Milu and unbound him, whereafter he healed the bruises and marks the man had suffered. There was a fear in the man’s expression, that disturbed Solas more than he would have thought possible.

“I must apologise. If you come with us, I will make certain that no further harm will come to you,” Solas voice was friendly as he spoke, but even so the hunter looked at Milu for confirmation.

At the temple Solas did everything in his power to heal the man and gave him food to take home for his family. The hunter was still scared out of his wits and Solas’ heart was heavy with regret for what had transpired. When he returned to his bedchamber Milu was in full armour and stood in front of the window looking down on the settlement below. Solas approached her quietly. He had seen her angry only a few times, but knew that she was not to be trifled with. He was also fully aware that she knew of his presence, so he walked up next to her and looked over the valley.

“When I was with the Dalish, I thought we knew everything. I believed that our legends were right and that we were trying to hold on to, preserve and recreate something more precious than anything else. I believed the humans foolish and arrogant for their believe in the Maker. I thought them ignorant children, though on the occasions, where we traded with them, I always tried to be civil. Then I was sent to the conclave. Most people there were mages, templars and the chantry. For the first time I saw, that in that gathering, race didn’t matter. After the temple was destroyed and I was forced into the Inquisition, I did my best to be cautious and polite. I was at their mercy after all…” she began, still looking into the distance.

“A wise decision,” Solas replied, trying not to interrupt.

“Did you ever talk to Minaeve?” Milu asked and Solas replied that he did not.

“She used to be Dalish, but she was sent away for being a mage. She was happy that the templars found her. She found comfort in an order, that I had come to despise. It made me feel sick. I saw myself in an entire new light. I realised that I had been arrogant, thinking that we were any better than those around us. And then I began talking to you. Everything you said about the Dalish confirmed that from an outside perspective we were arrogant even to our own kind. I started to see the world more like Sera does. I began to see people and judge them by their actions, not by presuming. Do you understand that Solas?” she asked a little sternly and turned towards him.

“Yes, though you were not the only one with presumptions. I had judged you by your valaslin before I had even heard you speak. When you came to me for knowledge, I saw it as a way for you to preach to me. It was foolish of me,” he smiled a little, caressing the part of her cheek, where her valaslin used to be. She turned to look at the courtyard, where the elves were.

“I look down there and I see that same pride. The arrogance. Our conditions has not made our people more humble, it has just made us presume that we are right. We are no better than humans, dwarves or qunari, and if we don’t realise this and better ourselves…..” she sighed with heavy regret and turned to him again, ”Tell me, Solas, is this the Arlathan you are trying to recreate?” Her eyes were half pleading and half piercing as she spoke.

“I would not see anyone diminished. Not by the Qun or any other. Recreating what was lost should not create this,” he said seriously, perhaps a little defensively.

“But neither will it prevent it. Some of those people want nothing but blood. They see you as a force of vengeance and smite. Not a man of peace and restoration. The Dread Wolf they see, is not the one I know and love. Promise me, that you will not let them lose their way. If they do, I see great potential of creating other Evanuris, who would not hesitate and mistreat people like they have been. The other races are not all cruel - most are not in fact, and we should we remember that we are not all good. You always detested people seeing the world in black and white. Make sure that they hear your wisdom, even if they do not wish to follow it,”

He sighed heavily with closed eyes, there was wisdom in her words, but also doubt. She was always so full of hope, but this time was different. It made him believe and trust her words, more than he was willing to admit. but it was far too late.

“I can’t restore our people without tearing this world asunder… I am sorry,” the pain was evident in his voice.

“And have you thought of how? The people down their need food and supplies. Things they currently get from the world you say will fall. This world is tied together as the fade was to Arlathan. Rebuilding this will not only be at a cost to my world, but to their lives,” as she spoke she walked directly towards the eluvian, “I am going to see my clan.” was her last words.

He did not even have the opportunity to answer before she was on her way, unless he wanted to scream at her and storm through the eluvian. So he was left alone with his thoughts. She was right, of course, but for her to presume that he did not know as much was… hurtful. 

______________________________________________________________________________ 

Milu arrived at a small inn at one of the trading post between the Freemarches and Tevinter. As useful as the eluvians were, it meant that if she wanted to go far she need to do so on foot. She could not leave her horse unguarded for days, while she visited Solas. She felt like a child for leaving the way she did, but being around that place - around him - reminded her of everything she had to lose. As much as she loved him, he was not the only one in her life she had come to care for. The inn was barely full as she entered. It was old and worn, but under the circumstance relatively clean. Most of the guests were carriers and coachmen along with a few passengers. But in the far corner sat a cloaked woman Milu was meeting.

“Hello Cassandra,” Milu said fondly as she approached and Cassandra quickly got up and gave her a hug. It was rare for Cassandra to show her emotions so rarely, but they had become dear friends, and was one of the many reason Milu was not going to let the world fall.

“It so good to see you. Sit down. You must be tired. I’ll be right back,” Cassandra began, and before Milu knew it Cassandra had already gotten them some stew, bread and something to drink. Milu secretly adores Cassandra for fussing over her. It made her feel loved. In the time without Solas, her and Dorian had more than anyone else filled that void. To her it was like having two older siblings fussing over you. When Cassandra returned the exchanged a few pleasantries before they brushed the subject they really needed to address.

“He is still determined to go through with his plan, then,” Cassandra sighed heavily.

“Yes, but I just can’t figure out the entire plot of his. He doesn’t trust me,” Milu replied a little sadly.

“I always thought him wise and reasonable. There must be a part to this we can’t see. There was never any mistaking that he loved you. It is surprising that he is so resistant,” She shook her head, but Milu gave a half smirk.

“Well, I do have spies in his camps and this last month I have been using him to get the information we need. It makes me disquiet that he hasn’t even suspected yet. It’s not like him,” Milu replied biting her lip.

“Perhaps he does trust you then,” Cassandra offered.

“Perhaps… Anyway I had my spies get the information to Dorian. It seems rather ominous that i need to go from Tevinter, to the Freemarches just to go back to Tevinter by road,” she chuckled with some amount of absurdity.

“Where does he think you go?”

“To visit my clan,” Milu replied taking a spoonful of the soupy liquid from the stew. Cassandra was right to get it for her. She was more hungry and cold, than she realised.

“Are you sure that is wise?” Cassandra questioned with concern.

“With Solas’ detest for the Dalish and the Dalish’ detest for him? He sees them like nothing but children, that would get in his way with their myths and legends,” Milu replied unaffected taking another spoonful. Cassandra stopped touching her food and looked at Milu with a sad expression.

“How long has it been since you saw them?”

“Since after we disbanded the Inquisition,” Milu continued as if it mattered little to her, but Cassandra knew her better.

“You are still not on friendly terms, then?”

“Well, things were already strained after my first visit after Corypheus. Showing up on a horse, in human made armour and the valaslin missing from my forehead, did not make a good impression. They were civil enough, but it was quite clear to them, that I was tainted by the shemlen,” the last words spoken with revulsion of the term.

“I thought that was why Varric gave them some… what term did he use? Political muscle?” Cassandra replied looking at Milu carefully.

“And that worked, right until I came back looking for knowledge about Fen’harel. Ironically a lot of the terms they used as I left contained his name. I was only surprised at the lack of pitchforks and torches,” Milu gave an annoyed chuckle.

Cassandra reached for her hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

“It hurts me that you have lost so much,” the seeker stated with great compassion and remorse. Milu took her hand and squeezed it as well, while smiling.

“Don’t fret for me, Cassandra. I might not have a clan, only have an arm and a half, while my love tries to rebuild a world by sacrificing another, but it is not all bad. I have you and the rest of our friends after all,”

“And we will always be here, when you need us the most,” Cassandra vowed returning her attention to the food, “Does Dorian and the other, know to expect us?”

“Yes, and I am looking forward to see if they have made any progress,” and Milu gave her first sincere smile that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your support. It means a lot. I hope you will enjoy this new chapter and know that I love to read your stories.
> 
> Elven translation:
> 
> Ar lath ma : I love you  
> Ir glandival var lath: I believe in our love


	5. Shared Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support this far. I look forward to your comments and hope you will continue to enjoy this story.

Somewhere in the mountains of tevinter stood one of oldest and most powerful mages in Thedas, preparing to change the world forever and drown the civilisations that had risen to power during his sleep. He was nothing but a myth and a legend, that no one paid attention to - but he was immortal. A god, but not by his own wish or definition. On the opposite side of Tevinter stood a young and maimed archer, that had once been revered and upheaved to being holy. A simple mortal, who never saw herself as different from anyone. One day she might become a legend, but through no wish of her own. The mark, that once made her powerful and special, was now long gone with the hand that carried it. Her people had carried the legends through time and made the mage a villain and a betrayer, but she saw nothing but a man. Not a monster and not a betrayer, but a man carrying a heavy burden that he would not forgive himself for. Like a father who had lost their child, he would do anything to correct his mistake and bring his child back to him. Grief was a horrible burden, and in that burden she recognized the man and not a god. Despite their difference in strength, she saw herself as his equal and knew he did the same. It wasn’t a god she loved, but a man - a good man. And like all good and wise men, who predict sorrow and pain, they would like nothing more than to be wrong. They would take no pleasure in being right and found only relief, when proven that their predictions had been wrong. In that knowledge Milu found hope, because it was not a matter of if she could change his mind, only a matter of how. As she looked into the distance, she wondered if he was looking back at her from the distance. Could he sense that at that moment her mind whispered words of love, hope and encouragement, that as long as they kept trying, things would be better.

 

“And there you are!” a familiar voice called from behind her.

 

Milu turned with a bright smile on her face and ran to greet Dorian. He lifted her up in a big hug.

 

“It’s so good to see you!” she exclaimed and held on to him tightly.

 

“Of course it is,” Dorian laughed as he put her down. He looked around and seemed a little confused.

 

“I thought Cassandra was joining you?”

 

“Solas’ agents are too familiar with her, and if they saw us together heading to Tevinter it might set off some warning bells. She gave me what I needed from the circles in Nevarra, and returned to seek out more seekers,” Milu explained and handed him a very old book.

 

“Excellent! Well, let me show you what progress we have made this far,” Dorian encouraged as he took the book.

 

“I’d love to!” she replied with enthusiasme.

 

She followed him into some underground caves, that was a labyrinth with several magical wards. This was their sanctuary, but Milu found irony in the fact that they had to hide hope under ground. She just hoped that it would work. She had no idea, how far along Solas was with his plans, but with the Qunari raging, she believed that Solas was paying some attention to this as well. As much as he wanted to restore the world of the elves he had also proved himself a protector of this one. “ If only he could see that he could be both ,” her mind whispered in sorrow. Creating the underground organization below had been difficult. New friends had to be made, otherwise Solas would be able to spot them easily. Down in the caves were a number of scholars, mages and two very enthusiastic dwarfs - Dagna and Sandal. She had not been completely honest with Solas regarding Sandal. For instance she had kept, how she discovered him, a secret. The unusual dwarf had left his diary in the Vir Dirthara - the elven library Milu needed access to. She had tried to get the dwarf to show her, how he had entered, but the loveable dwarf had seemed oblivious to her meaning. However, he did seem absolutely enthrilled with the work he was doing. The underground cave was lit with magical light in the fear of burning. They had created a vast library of magic both forbidden and forgotten, from all over Thedas and in a number of languages. On the back wall was a giant curtain covering the wall. Dorian started to explain, how they were doing as they walked through.

 

“Sandal’s and Dagna’s work has been coming along beautifully. Once we have the means of creating the spell, we should be able to stabilize it permanently, without having to keep the spell active using mages continuously,” he began smiling at Dagna and Sandal, when they walked to their work section.

 

“Enchantment!” Sandal said with enthusiasme.

 

“Exactly so,” Dorian chuckled.

 

“Hello your worsh… I mean Lavellan. We are making headway. There has been some… setbacks, however,” Dagna began.

 

“Setbacks, you call it?” Dorian huffed crossing his arms.

 

“I am sure you are doing well, Dagna,” Milu encouraged.

 

“They almost blew up the place! If not for the magical barriers, this entire place would have been nothing but rubble. We had to restock ALL their supplies and more after that,” Dorian shook his head.

 

“Where nothing ventured?” Milu tried innocently and Dorian groaned before they walked ahead. 

 

“How is the spells coming along?” she inquired.

 

“We were having some issues keeping the subvolo spell stable, but the notes you send has meant great strides. The other is coming along slowly. We are trying to be careful, as the effect of toying with the veil in such a way, can be very treacherous,” Dorian explained.

 

“I am just glad we are making progress. Have we been close to discovery yet?” she then asked.

 

“There have been some incidents, but thanks to our mercenary gang and their Tal Vashoth leader, most have been discouraged from travelling to far in this direction,” he smirked.

 

“How is Bull?” she smiled with fondness.

 

“He is well. I see him as often as I can, but we are doing good, if that is what you are asking. But enough of my love life, how are things with Solas?” he asked while guiding her into a room, that was quiet.

 

“He is well…” she tried as evenly as possible.

 

“You are not getting of that easy. What happened?” he asked with concern.

 

“I was harsh with him, when we spoke last. The elves are being - well people. And I made it seem like I blamed him for it. I try to be strong, but despite all we are doing, the only thing I really want is…” she faltered.

 

“To be with him and love him,” Dorian replied with understanding.

 

“Before I met him, my life was simple. I was about to get betrothed to a young man from another clan. Had I never been at the conclave everything would have been simple…” she sighed,”It doesn’t matter… how is the last piece coming along?” Milu changed the subject and walked back out of the room.

 

“I admit I had trouble at first. Even with the notes from the Qunari. But Varric had a contact that helped us out greatly,” Dorian smiled brightly.

 

When they approached the curtain a young elf with short brown hair in Dalish clothing and a vallaslin was standing looking over some old elven scripts. She looked flustered as she saw them approach.

 

“Andaran atish’an,” she greeted and Milu returned the greeting.

 

“It is a pleasure, Merrill. Varric speaks fondly of you,” 

 

“This is Merrill, the only person I know to ever built an eluvian entirely on her own,” Dorian praised, obviously impressed.

 

“It wasn’t on my own - not exactly anyway. And I never got it to work,” Merrill explained seeming a little ashamed for some reason, “but I knew it would be able to help my people. I am glad it finally will,”

 

“Does that mean you succeeded?” Milu asked a little impatiently and with a “tadaa!” Dorian pulled away the curtain. Up against the wall were two eluvians unlike any Milu had seen. They were not the simply things she had seen in the crossroads, but golden extravagant mirrors that looked like they were surrounded by branches. Carefully Milu walked forward and put her hand to the eluvian.

 

“It’s so beautiful,” she said in a low voice, “Do they work?” and as she asked the mirror activated it and Dorian pushed her through just for her to come out the other. He was laughing at his own enjoyment, but Milu could only bring herself to be in awe of what happened.

 

“How did you…..?” was all she could say.

 

“We had visit from Morrigan,” Dorian said in a way that sounded as if it should have been obvious.

 

“Yes, she mentioned something about the well of sorrows talking to her and that it needed to be done. She activated the mirrors and then left again. She was very odd,” Merrill stated seeming a little confused.

 

“I guess we owe her one,” Milu replied and looked at the mirrors again. When she looked up she saw that one mirror had a carving of a one armed archer and a wolf carving on top of the other. Seeing that she noticed the carvings Merrill began to explain.

 

“Dorian suggested it. One has Fen’harel to scare away evil spirits and others that might do harm. He is a warning not to go through the mirror. The other is Andruil, to hunt those who have passed through it wrongly. Dorian suggested it,” Merrill explained in her innocence, but all Milu could do, was look at Dorian and smile fondly, knowing that what the innocent elf believed was very far from the actual truth. Milu could not bear to tell her the truth, and merely nodded as if though agreeing. Besides she had promised Varric not to upset the elf. 

 

“The work you have done is remarkable. They are so beautiful. I wish…” she sighed and felt Dorian’s hand on her shoulder.

 

“He will see it. As soon as we are done here, we are going to remind him that the only impossible thing in this world, is you,” he said with great fondness and Milu closed her eyes as she turned her face to the ground and chuckled.

 

“And now, refreshments! You must be starving!” he turned around rubbing his hands with delight, but Milu lingered at the eluvians for a moment longer.

 

“Vehnan, you should be here with me,”  she whispered with tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

  
  


Nevarra had always been a country fascinated with death. It lingered in their history longer than they knew. The mortalitasi were keepers of death. Rather than burning their dead, they mummified them and kept them in sacred crypts. Well respected in their country, they are often nobility or closely related to such. What time had forgotten was the reason for this fascination. Nevarra used to be an area, where Falon’din ruled. His obsession with his godhood had brought about much despair for his people. Him causing of death became a fascination with death, that still lingered in the area. A mark that would never leave that country completely. Much had transpired in that part of the world, that only Falon’din and Dirthamen knew. Somewhere in Nevarra, his temples were still untouched and in the most sacred one stood Solas. In his efforts to tear down the veil, he could not forget about dealing with the Evanuris. Before he even contemplated tampering with the veil, this was his greatest concern. He would not release the evil that had been the reason for him banishing them in the first place. Solas wanted to restore the world, not being responsible for a slaughter fuelled by vengeance and a perverse desire for power. So for each pantheon he needed to find a weakness, because though they were mortal, death did not come easy to them. So he now found himself in Falon’din’s temple, hoping he could find any weakness to exploit. But as he looked around the ruins of his enemy, Solas saw nothing but a pair of enthusiastic green eyes, filled with an eagerness to learn and absorb everything before them. He would have shared this moment with her. Told her that he was searching for the Song of Falon’din. Explained about Arlathan and the part he played. He would have recited stories of how Falon’din and Dirthamen would fight together in combat. How you would only ever see on at a time and the other would surprise their enemy. If you saw Dirthamen, Falon’din would hide in his shadow. And when Falon’din appeared Dirthamen would appear as quickly as a reflection. Their cunning and element surprise was perhaps only second to Solas’ own, when he was younger. But he was older now, wiser and for the first time in his long life, he had found a certain peace in his heart. Like Falon’din and Dirthamen, he and his heart had become each other’s shadow and reflection. In the shadows they would linger to spy on each other - and keep each other safe from harm. When in each other's presence they showed each other who they truly were. Not a mage elevated to godhood against his will, or messenger and Herald of a god with extraordinary power, despite her protests and the knowledge that she was not. For better and worse they were a man and a woman. And though what their reflection revealed was not always pleasant, it was always honest and that was a relief.

 

Walking through the ancient temple long forgotten, Solas carried her with him the entire time. Imagined their conversations and her questions. He imagined holding her close and kissing her. Showing her that what she had assumed last they spoke, was not the truth - though he suspected she knew this. Looking at the beauty of the vegetation around him he saw her in everything. Her green eyes in the leaves, her red hair in the flowers and her pure skin in the light stone faded by the sun. He tried to keep his focus and finding the ancient song of Falon’din, but he couldn’t help but utter the words: 

 

“We should be able to share these moments, vehnan,”

 

Looking for hours he had still not found what he was looking for. So Solas found a quiet spot out of rain and the cold of night, to lay to rest. What he could not find in the waking world, he might be able to find in the fade. Setting up wards he closed his eyes, and as so often before saw only a pair of green ones gazing lovingly into his own. A look that offered as much comfort as it did sorrow. And as his thoughts drifted the first place he was taken was Milu’s dreams. He recognized the forest in the fade only from her dreams. It was where her clan was often portrayed. The past many times her clan at been in her dreams, it had always been sad, but for once Solas was relieved to see it being a happy one. He stood on a hill, leaning against a tree and looking down at Milu and her clan. He was amused to see that Cassandra, Dorian and even Varric would be their for brief moments, as fleeting as a memory. It looked quiet, but happy, and Milu was simply watching a reflection of him. He was sitting in the front of a fire with children gathered around him - telling them stories, he figured. He wondered what inspired such pleasant  dreams, but all that really mattered was that she was happy. He could get lost in the dream, but he did come to the fade with a purpose. Soon he was walking through the fade’s reflection of Falon’din’s temple.

 

“I don’t understand,” began Cole, who was suddenly following him,”how can a song hurt? Cheerful notes, happy, bright, sad or mournful, but never painful,”

 

“It is not a song in that sense, Cole. It is a curse. An ancient one,” Solas explained.

 

“Yes… I do not like this song. Scratching, burning, cold for the sake of being cold. Stopping things, that should be moving… why would anyone make such a song?” Cole gave a shudder.

 

“Falon’din created many such curses. They were meant to inspire fear in his followers and threaten others into submission. Others were simply meant to impress,” he explained calmly following reflections of Falon’din’s slaves carrying notes, books and magical items.

 

“He made them seem alive, but they were not. They did not age, but they could still die. Like Dorian, but not,” Cole hummed observing the slaves.

 

“Exactly so,” Solas agreed and then gave a small smile seeing the doors opening to a library, “Aha, it seems we are in luck, Cole,”

 

“It was lost, but now it isn’t,”

 

“Yes, time has claimed much. Dust, water and nature claiming what remained, but I should be able to find it here,” Solas replied and found a locked chest. He had seen it in the temple in a waking state, but now he just needed to figure out how to open it. Cole turned towards several statues of elves, that were scattered around the room.

 

“They are not supposed to be like this. The song. It hurt them, made them less,”

 

Solas sighed with heavy regret looking at his friend.

 

“I know you wish to help them, my friend, but you can not. It has been too long,”

 

“It is a very old hurt, Solas. Be careful,” the spirit cautioned.

 

“I will,” Solas smiled softly as he watched the slaves carefully for the means to get inside the chest.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Once again it had been weeks since he had seen Milu. With him coming and going so often, it was quite possible that he should have missed her, but he felt no energy coming from the eluvian. Sometimes the time they had spent together seemed like nothing but a fragment of a dream. They had not parted on the best of terms, when they had spoken last. Solas had even begun to wonder if he would ever see her again. He knew she loved the history and the culture of the elvahn, and she had been far more accepting of the truth, than he had expected of a Dalish, but as time went by he realised just how much her world had expanded in the time he knew her. The isolated Dalish girl he had met at Haven, was now a woman of the world, who counted all species among her friends - even spirits. He wished that if she was to see the world he was creating, that she would see the beauty in it and not the blood that it took to create. He did not want her to carry the burden of the countless lives and history that would be left to only linger in the reenactments of spirits. He, on the other hand, deserved that pain. It was his decisions that carried the weight of it all, and he could not bear to share that burden with her. She had been through enough as a result of his actions. As if his thoughts summoned her, the eluvian activated and he turned to see her come through it - cautiously. She brought her bag to the floor and for a moment she stood still looking at him with sad eyes, that he could not bear. He walked forward to claim her lips in his.

 

“Ir abelas, Solas. I spoke hastily. I didn’t mean to imply..” she began, but he silenced her with a soft chaste kiss.

 

“Think nothing of it, vehnan,” he smiled kindly as she gave a sigh of relief, “I have missed your company,” he confessed and that brought a smile to her lips.

 

“Sit down,” she urged pointing to one of the chairs as she reached for the bag. He noticed her moving oddly, but her enthusiasm made him ignore it. He chuckled with fondness and did as she asked and could clearly see her being excited about something. She picked up a box and handed it to him with a bright smile.

 

“A peace offering,” she giggled, beaming with a light and playfulness she showed far too rarely.

 

He opened it only to laugh, when he saw it filled with frilly cakes from Orlais, and her expression turned even brighter. He stood up from the chair and placed the box on the table, before hugging her tightly.

 

“I thought it might have been awhile,” she giggled in his ear, kissing him below it.

 

“It has, but I insist that you must share them with me,” he chuckled, knowing how fond she was of anything sweet. Milu didn’t have particular annoying habits or had any habits damaging to her health. Her only real obsession was sweet things, which Solas guessed came from a life isolated with the Dalish. They only used and lived on the most basic things, which was in part an honourable way of life, but it also meant that Milu had been introduced to a variety of flavours and foods since joining the Inquisition. Her fancy with anything sweet only encouraged - in moderation - by Josephine. He then realised a warm liquid on his arm and he pulled away. He looked down to see his sleeve red from blood coming down her right side.

 

“You are hurt,” he stated calmly lifting her arm to judge the extent of the damage through her arm. She flinched and gave a noise of pain, when he did so.

 

“It’s nothing,” she said softly and as a reply he gave a stern and doubtful look.

 

“How and how long has it been since it happened?” he said with almost clinical detachment.

 

“Three hours ago. A merchant was being robbed by bandits. I scared them of, but one of them hit me with his blade first. I have an easier time fighting with daggers now, than with my bow, but I am not nearly as skilled with them,” she explained with a heavy sigh, cursing at her arm under her breath.

 

He put his hand behind her head and brought her forehead to his lips, before leading her to the bed. He brought a chair to sit in front of her and instructed her to sit still as he opened her coat and removed the armour. There was a large gauge in her side, but thankfully clean. He shook his head, when he saw she had put a lot of herbs on there to numb the pain. Had she not, she might have passed out as a result of the pain.

 

“I can’t heal this until it has been cleaned and sown. The herbs might have removed the pain somewhat, but it means that the tissue will be less susceptible to magic at this point,” he looked into her eyes, “I will need to stitch this for now,” and she merely nodded. Over an hour passed before he had the wound cleaned and sown. When he removed her metal arm, he was saddened to see that blisters and bruises covered her arm.

 

“You should take better care of yourself,” he said softly, the pain in his eyes evident as he began tending to her arm as well.

 

“I try, but it is not always easy,” she replied a little ashamed.

 

“I know. But now you must take some days to rest,” he smiled kindly and covered her with a blanket.

  
“Could we talk and read like we used to?” she requested hesitantly. His eyes turned warm as he remembered their time at Skyhold. How they would spent the evenings reading or in philosophical debates, more often than not enjoying things Milu had taken from the kitchen for them to enjoy. Agreeing easily, he brought more pillows, books and the cakes, and for the night it was as if the past four years they had been apart had never happened at all.


	6. A slow arrow and a weary mask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note:
> 
>  
> 
> I am so sorry for this update taking this long. I have been very sick due to my pregnancy - nothing seriously though. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you so much for your continued support.

A slow arrow and a weary mask

 

Another night, another dream and Solas was content to just watch as his love dreamed. He found more peace in the happy moments of her sleeping imagination, than he did in any fond memory he had of ancient Arlathan. This time she was merely running around the wild among halla and spirits, simply enjoying the sunlight. It was her interpretation of how the world would look like without a veil. He could not remember her being so happy and carefree, and somehow that ached his heart. She had not told him her sudden reason for being so hopeful. She had always carried hope with her, but beneath it was a melancholy - the burden of command, the fear of failing and the mourning for all that she could not save. But something had changed, and in his heart he felt a small pinch of envy that he could not share this joy with her. That she would not involve him in it. Perhaps, he had been too optimistic thinking that what they had could last. But what they had created were pockets in time, that were not a part of the rest of the world. Much like at Skyhold, it was real, but as abstract, as the fade was to many in Thedas. Cole encouraged him to take this happiness and hold on to it. Reminded him, that in those pockets, nothing but their love mattered. So he would take as much comfort in those fleeting moments as he could and carry them with him, like he had done the plight of his people.  When he noticed a presence behind him, he didn’t turn. He figured Cole had come to keep him company once again.

 

“So you have finally discovered their strength,” a voice sounded behind him and Solas turned slowly, as his heart was gripped by an instant feeling of regret. In front of him stood an elf as tall as himself. The man had long dark hair, violet eyes and bore a vallaslin.

 

“I was wrong, but it changes nothing. It can’t,” Solas replied mournfully glancing towards Milu. The elf shook his head slightly and looked towards Milu’s fade reflection. He chuckled warmly at her playful nature as she played with the halla, and a compassionate spirit had taken shape of a hare.

 

“Young, bright and a deep thoughtfulness. Had I found her and brought her to you, would it have made a difference I wonder?” the ghostly elf spoke with a sarcastic tone.

 

“Ir abelas, Felassan. It would have changed nothing… and everything,” Solas sighed as he turned.

 

“You are taken with her,” a statement, not a question,”Tell me Fen’harel. If they are not true elvahn, how come that you are so infatuated with a creature that is so far removed from us? Their is no magic in her veins. No true connection to Arlathan. What she was taught are obscure remnants of a past twisted tale upon tale. Half truths that portrait you as a villain and betrayer. She is everything you thought was unworthy and ignorant… and yet she is all that which you had not foreseen,”

 

When Solas turned to answer, Felassan was gone.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

  
  


He had woken up in a cold sweat and now sat at his desk going over the many parchments and maps before him. The world was different than it had been once and much of the past had been swallowed by the present. Finding ancient marvels was necessary and he continued to look for them. Yet all he heard was Felassan’s words taunting him with guilt and regret. He was torn suddenly from his thoughts by a gentle hand on his shoulder and a soft kiss on the top of his head.

 

“What is troubling you so?” Milu inquired softly.

 

“Memories, the present and future. People long lost and those who yet linger. I…” he hesitated, “I should not bother you with this,” he sighed and turned to give her a gentle, but mournful smile.

 

“It’s alright, Solas. I understand,” she replied gently stroking his cheek.

 

“You always do,” he chuckled and kissed her hand. “You are leaving… for quite some time I expect,” he stated and the look she gave him was one of the utmost pain. She sat down in his lap. Her severed arm around his neck and her one hand caressing his face lovingly. He held her close and wished that he did not have to let her go. But he knew as well as she did, that their paths took them apart. Saving her had brought them back together, but these dreaming moments of pretending, was nothing more than that. Could be no more if his plans were to succeed.

 

“I am afraid so. I would stay forever if I could. I love you… I hope you realise that,” she replied seriously.

 

“Nae harel, vehnan. I am aware, though I do not believe it to be wise,” he chuckled and pulled her closer in a hug, “Ar lath ma,” he hummed in the scent of her hair.

 

When she left, he grew disquiet. He didn’t know, when he would see her again and would from then on have to trust his agents with any information of her. As much as he decided the distance was for the best, it was never a compulsion he could wholeheartedly follow. Ever since Corypheus, he had agents spying on her and the inquisition. He had not lied about saving her from assassins in Val Royeaux. He had always thought it best to not be involved in her life after he left the Inquisition, but he found himself incapable of distancing himself completely. His knowledge of Leliana's methods and their agents made evading them easier than anticipated. So in all the time they had been apart he had watched her from a distance. After revealing the truth to her he had watched her in her dreams as well. When she had been captured by the Qunari it had been the first time he had lost sight of her. Knowing that he might not be able to follow her anymore, was a risk he was not able to take. When it came to her, he had to accept that his heart and head would always be conflicted. And not knowing if and when he would see her again left him with a feeling of anxiety and grief.

 

Instead of focusing on the pain in his heart, he continued his plans. His agents were sent far and wide to secure ancient ruins and remnants still left from Arlathan. When the world was to be readapted to the absence of the veil, this was where they would start rebuilding - far from the world of humans, His conscience could not bear the thought of seeing the people of Thedas being torn apart. He took no pleasure in their destruction and he would rather not remember the screams of despair, that would be as a result of his actions. Before he had met Milu, it would have meant nothing to him. It would have been as merciful as granting a tranquil death. This, however, had changed and he realised that no matter the outcome, he would forever bear the torment of being a destroyer of worlds. A slow arrow had pierced his heart and he would forever bleed eternally from it.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

  
  


Val Royoux three months later

 

In the grand capital of Orlais everyone were making preparations for Divine Victoria’s anniversary on the sunburst throne. Everyone, who was anyone attended the gathering, so of course Milu Lavellan found herself attending the celebrations. In all honesty she was frustrated, because she was finally making headway on her own secret project. Nearly complete with the early stage, she found herself having little patience for nobility and social calls. But Leliana had been instrumental in her progress, so she owed her this celebration. And knowing the consequences should she fail, perhaps taking time to celebrate was not time idly spent. She looked out over the beautiful capital, but in moon's reflection on the blue water, she saw only Solas’ eyes gazing back at her. She found her heart wishing for the impossible - that he had just been a knowledgeable hedge mage with no ties to anywhere. No doom, no duty and no conflicting ideals or morals. But even as she knew him, his intentions and motivations, she could not feel anything, but admiration and love for him. There was no anger in her heart, merely a deep regret. She had not seen him in months and had not heard from him or noticed him - in dreams or in the waking world. It was like her time with him had been nothing but a mirage.

 

“Mistress Lavellan,” a voice sounded behind her, but she didn’t react, “Milu?” the voice tried again behind her in a thick antivan accent. Milu turned with a bright smile.

 

“Josie!” she threw her arms around the former ambassador, who chuckled warmly.

 

“You were lost in thought,” Josephine stated as she looked almost concerned.

 

“I guess I was. How are you? Is your family well?” Milu enquired walking towards the grand bed. The estate belonged to Leliana and only few of her guests had the pleasure of staying in the grandness of the Divine’s personal residence.

 

“They are well, thank you. But we should hurry. You are not even dressed yet,” Josephine shook her head looking at Milu still in her dressing gown. Milu’s eyes turned to the clock

 

“Fenhedis lasa! Would you help me?”

 

“Of course,” Josephine replied as she hurried to get her dress and corset ready. When she helped Milu put the corset on, she saw the large scar on her side.

 

“Maker’s breath, what happened?” she asked with shock.

 

“I went to inspect an elven ruin some time ago. Ran into some sentinels of Falon’din. I barely got away,” Milu stated calmly.

 

“You should be more cautious. In your situation….” Josephine hesitated looking at her arm.

 

“I know, I know. It is hard to accept….” she sighed heavily before holding the corset in place, as Josephine tied it, “Now let us get this thing on,”

 

After a short time Josephine had helped her getting into the emerald dress, with black see through lace covering her shoulders and decorated with pearls. The long black gloves covered up her fake arm. Her hair in a low ponytail, pearls travelled up her skull like branches. Looking at her painted face in her reflection, she couldn’t help but feel it a mask. No valaslin, human dresses and customs marked her. Her clan would find her a disgrace and more than ever she felt like she had lost her way. She was no longer Dalish and she was no longer the inquisitor. She was not a wife, a mother or a caretaker. She was a drifter, following a stream helplessly like a leaf, hoping that she could find the right branch that would save her from drowning. And it had to be the right one. On her face was a black mask made of thin metal decorated with pearls. Walking into the Orlesian party, she felt herself put on another mask. One of deception and cunning. Her identity had been lost and Ameridan’s words lingered like a curse in the back of her mind “Find happiness where you can. Duty will claim the rest,”. She took a deep breath and prepared herself for her least favourite of demons and horrors. But with Leliana’s guidance and teachings it had become a battlefield, where she was in control. She smiled genuinely at her friend as she was presented to Divine Victoria.

 

“Such a pleasure my friend. We have missed you in yours absence,” Leliana said with a sincere smile.

 

“The pleasure is mine, your perfection. My time has not been my own,” Milu apologised with a kind smile.

 

“It rarely is for any of us. I would like to introduce you to Zevran Aranai,” Leliana introduced a handsome elf with blond hair, a warm complexion and a tattoo on his face - though it was clearly not Dalish.

 

“Such a pleasure to meet the famous Herald of Andraste. Rumours of your beauty hardly do you justice,” Zevran smirked with a flirtatious look in his eyes, while kissing her hand - his voice thick with an antivan accent.

 

“I see that your reputation is accurate,” Milu laughed with fondness.

 

“Such accusation,” Zevran faked offense and Leliana chuckled.

 

“Herald, I hope you would keep Zevran company tonight and keep him out of trouble,” it was a friendly request, when Leliana spoke it, but Milu instantly saw something in the Divine’s eyes that made it clear that it was not a suggestion to be declined. Something was going on behind the scenes - then again it was Orlais and Milu had hardly expected anything else. So she ventured through the crowd seeing old friends and Orlesian nobility alike, with Zevran not leaving her side for a moment.

 

In the shadows were a servant elf carrying a mask of his master. Except until tonight he had never been the Orlesian duke’s servant. As Solas had foreseen, the duke could not tell the difference between his servants, partly because the man was to proud to look his servants in the eyes and because he insisted that all his servants were to carry his mask, whenever attending any public event - the fact that the man was intoxicated most of his waking hours, only made the deception easier. Switching place with his agent working for this duke, had gone completely unnoticed. So Solas had more easily, than he would have liked, been able to sneak his way into the gathering at the Divine’s celebration. The uneasiness came with the awareness, that if he could sneak in so easily, then so could an assassin. A rumour of the Qunari wanting the Herald dead had brought him to this event. Since she had gotten the credit for stopping the Qunari invasion of southern Thedas, the Qunari wanted nothing more than her death - or her conversion to the Qun. What better way to strike terror into the heart of the south, then by making their Herald - their symbol of the Andrastian religion - their own pawn. The fact that Solas had gotten in so easily only convinced him of one thing. Leliana was trying to expose the assassins. She wanted them caught. The Divine and former spymaster was far too clever to let her guard down in such a way, otherwise. Solas tried to let the thought comfort him, but he knew that he would have to watch Milu the entire night - and with "his" duke already passed out from drinking and laying on a divan snoring up in the air, he had plenty of opportunity to do so. Solas trusted his agents, but when it came to Milu’s welfare he would never leave the task to anyone else. His mind did everything it could to rationalise it, but if the ancient being was to be honest with himself, it was because watching her gave him comfort. He missed her, but watching her made her absence seem less and the three previous months had been more difficult for him, than he had expected. 

 

All this he had expected. What the elf had not expected was how much Milu had changed during the four years he had been apart from her. The Lavellan he had first met was a very young woman, that could have been confused with a child. Young, idealistic and unfamiliar with her surroundings. She had grown during her time with the Inquisition, and as part of the transition of seeing her change from a sprout to a fully bloomed flower, had been extraordinary to him. With her honour, wisdom, cunning and curiosity, she had changed from Dalen to Vehnan in a matter of months. Knowingly or not, Solas had been a part of what had transformed her into a woman, who had become as vital to him, as his heart. When he had left, he had not even considered what the change in her would mean. And in his time alone with her, he had not noticed just how much older she had become. The first thing he had noticed was something more innocent, however. She wore the dress that he had said he had liked seeing her in. The emerald dress that made her matching eyes glow. It made it possible for him to observe her clever eyes even from a distance, which was the reason for him liking it so much. Then he had noticed the amused smile she had given the elf Leliana had introduced to her. Solas had noticed the daggers cleverly hidden in the elf’s clothes, the way this Zevran would observe the room and see everyone. He had also seen the man already flirting with a number of both men and women throughout the gathering - discretely getting both information and possessions from them, only to return it just as unnoticed, when he had determined its value or its need. As to his intentions, Solas could not be certain, but he would watch him closely. Zevran and Milu were soon found on the dancefloor, where the elf held her very close. Whispers were passed between them, to which Milu responded with giggles and blushes. A hot breath on her ear, made her eyes darken, as she looked towards the crowd around them. It hadn’t bothered Solas until Milu’s behaviour changed, from his reserved and wise little bird, to a temptress that used every advantage a clever woman could get away with. When he had seen her at the Winter Palace years ago she had been cunning and loved by the court, but it was nothing compared to the bard-like creature, who moved through the crowds as he watched. As she talked with counts and dukes, a hand would be seemingly absentmindedly be placed at her collarbone, only to travel along the top of her bosom. Her laugh was always accompanied by darkened eyes and battering lashes. A lingering touch that would travel down a man’s arm was enough as another - her real hand - would skillfully put something into someone's wine or take something from their pockets. And when her task was accomplished, Zevran would swoop in with a charming smile and “claim her”. And she would take his arm and caress it sensually as they walked away, leaving her poor victim behind, bothered, flushed and obviously confused. It was impressive, yet at the same time it sickened Solas. His vehnan had never been a thief, never dishonest and was the last person he thought would play with anyone’s affections. If she had become so skillful at seduction, had she used him? Had that been the reason for her sudden disappearances and reappearances. A flame of fury got ignited inside him, when he wondered how far she had gone with this seduction. He knew he had no right to make a claim on her and yet it felt like infidelity. When she rested her head against Zevran’s shoulder and placed her hand on his chest to get away from a very persistant count, Solas felt his blood boil. He was only awoken from his rage, when the glas in his hand shattered and the pieces dug into his hand. He had to react quickly to avoid any unwanted attention. It reminded him of an undeniable truth. No matter his feelings, her life and sanity had importance to all the world, beyond his personal desires. So the rest of the evening he observed her with emotional detachment.

  
  


“So I am bait,” she stated in a sultry voice as she observed the crowd - Zevran’s breath still hot on her ear as they danced.

 

“I am afraid so. And your enemies are not only among the servants, but also the nobility. Not everyone was pleased with the part you planned in Duke Gaspard’s death, my dear,” he chuckled.

 

“So the wolves and ears are everywhere? Wonderful… I can’t go to Orlais without ending in trouble,” she replied with a laugh, that was annoyed, but to the outside seemed flirtatious.

 

“No? I must admit I do prefer, when I am the one doing the assassination,” he laughed sincerely and so did she.

 

“Truly? Leliana’s friend’s never seize to surprise. Anyway, how do you suggest we proceed?”

 

“Seduction and charm, my dear Herald,” Zevran hummed in a low voice against her earlobe.

 

“And here I was hoping to catch up with some friends,” Milu sighed.

 

At that they left the dancefloor and pursued the hidden enemies. As at all Orlesian events there were secrets and conspiracies enough around - finding the right ones proved difficult. A long time had passed since Milu attended the first of these events and she had now become a sufficient player at the game. Lessons and guidance from both Vivienne and Leliana had been of great importance to her, and she had become capable of manipulating even the greatest players. She had become efficient at making them ignore og aware of her ears, whenever she so desired. After the death of Corypheus she had received a long list of proposals from Orlesian nobles, who wanted her as their mistress - as she was an elf there was of course no marriage proposals among them. This interest in her made her realise that she had another tool that she could use - seduction. The right sway with her hips, as she walked away had procured her the information or funding she desired with ease. Sultry eyes and a hand travelling along her collarbone made the right person like clay in her hands. So from one noble she confiscated a concoction meant to knock someone unconscious - surely whatever the man had intended to use it for couldn’t have been good. And this was most useful, when she found another noble, who had taken a bribe from a unknown source to exchange his staff with people, that weren’t his own. Luring the man into a bedchamber had been easy, where he almost immediately fell to the floor. That gave Milu and Zevran the opportunity to search him for information about the servants, and while he was unconscious - and locked in a closet - he could not warn “his” people.

 

“We make an excellent team, no?” Zevran asked happily, when they walked back to the ballroom after apprehending the servants/ assassins.

 

“We do,”  Milu agreed in a friendly voice.

 

“Perhaps we should get to know each other better, Herald,” he hummed against her neck as they entered the ballroom.

 

“Professionally, yes,” Milu chuckled making an uncomfortable movement with the shoulder his lips almost touched.

 

“Ah I see. As you wish, but perhaps now you would introduce me to yours friends?” Zevran laughed in reply.

 

Milu agreed and for the first time that night Milu actually got the opportunity to talk to everyone invited. Cassandra, Varric, Vivienne, Blackwall, Sera, Josephine, Cullen, the Iron Bull and Dorian. When Dorian offered to dance with her, Milu had no intention of declining. She knew that dancing with an elf earlier and now a Tevinter magister, would grant her no favours, but it was the best place to get some privacy.

 

“We are nearly finished. Next month we should be able to complete the test. If it works, then the next stage is up to you, my dear friend,” Dorian explained as he seemed as giddy as a child.

 

“That’s wonderful! I hope it works. All this is making me weary,” Milu smiled and sighed at once.

 

“You want to disappear after this, don’t you?” Dorian replied.

 

“Not from you of course…. I didn’t think I was so predictable,” she giggled sadly.

 

“Not to everyone, just to me,” Dorian said in the most self flattering way possible.

 

That was when a big presence showed up behind Dorian.

 

“You do not mind, if I have a dance with Milu, do you Kadan?” The Iron Bull requested with a smile - the endearment giving Dorian a flush on his cheeks. Dorian stepped away with a smile and whispered something to Bull, that had the large Qunari laughing fondly.

 

“Are you enjoying the evening?” Bull asked.

 

“Oh, yes. Zevran and I managed to catch three assassins and two conspirators. I heard that you and Sera has also removed two. I didn’t realise that I was that much of a threat to the Qunari. I would have figured Hawke would have been more of interest to them,” Milu half sighed half chuckled.

 

“They do not see you as a threat, as they did when you bore the mark. But you could be a valuable tool to them - which is why walking close enough to a stronghold to get captures on PURPOSE is a very bad idea,” Bull raised his eyebrow like a scolding father.

 

“I would not have done it unless it was necessary,” she replied in earnest.

 

“Sure, sure… So not to put you on edge, but have you noticed the elven servant in the far left corner? The one with the golden mask? He has been watching you all night,” Bull stated without looking in the direction he was mentioning. Milu noticed the presence out of the corner of her eye, but couldn’t make out much. Unfortunately this seemed to be enough to set of the man, who vanished through the door.

 

“Come for me in a few minutes. I want to see what this is about,” Milu stated and quickly followed the elf through the great estate. She noted that it was far too easy to follow him. He knew and wanted her to follow him. She had no idea if she was walking into an ambush or following someone friendly. So she was on her guard. Especially when the presence led her to her quarters. He walked into her quarters and she followed. When she entered she saw three elves on the floor paralyzed by a spell by the looks of it. On the small balcony overlooking Val Royoux stood the elf looking out over the city. His posture was proud and rigid, while his arms were placed behind his back. A warmth spread through her, when she realised, who it was.

 

“Solas!” she exclaimed and jumped over the people on the ground.

 

Solas only just turned, when her arms were around his neck. He returned the hug briefly and then took her by her wrists and pushed her away gently. There was something profoundly sad in his eyes, which was the only thing she could see through his mask.

 

“Vhenan, what is it?” she asked with great concern, but he instantly released her, when the door opened and in came Zevran and the Iron Bull.

 

“Oh ho! I see you are quite good at man handling, Herald,” Zevran laughed looking at the various people on the ground.

 

“This wasn’t done by her though. That would be thanks to our elven mage here. Poor guys never saw him coming,” Iron Bull stated.

 

“So enemy or friend?” Zevran asked eying Solas suspiciously.

 

“Friend,” Milu declared with a smile.

 

“If you take that guy, I will take these two,” Iron Bull gestured to Zevran and pointed on the smallest elf on the floor.

 

Zevran dragged the man out by his feet and Iron Bull lifted the two over his shoulder and under his arm. He looked at Solas with his one eye and smiled.

 

“Good to see you haven’t lost your touch, Solas,”

 

“I figured you would have realised my presence. I am surprised you didn’t see these intruders, Tal-Vashoth,” Solas replied in a friendly voice.

 

“I couldn’t let you come all this way for nothing. See you later, Boss,” Iron Bull replied and closed the door behind him.

 

Milu turned to Solas again.

 

“I guess I owe you thanks again,” she smiled.

 

“I did it for the safety of the people here. You owe me nothing,” he replied in an even voice.

 

“Solas, what is the matter?” she asked, and when he turned away she caught his arm.

 

“Talk to me…” she requested softly and stroked his arm lovingly. He looked down on her hand and something changed in his demeanour as his eyes regained some of the softness, she loved so much.

 

“I… I believed your facade to have become part of who you were - but I was mistaken. Ir abelas, emma lath,” he apologized and turned around.

 

She gave him a confused look to which he merely chuckled. He gently placed his hand on her chin and stroked it, and chuckled again when she hummed with approval.

 

“I observed you tonight and you must have left a dozen hearts broken, after you mesmerized them with everything you are,” he sighed with a sad smile. Understanding passed her face and her expression turned into dismissal.

 

“Hardly. No one will remember the knife-ear or flat-ear tomorrow,”

 

“Flat ear?” Solas gave her a suddenly confused look.

 

“Nothing... Did it bother you? The flirting I mean,” she then asked and looked up at him.

 

“Not out of jealousy. I thought the carelessness below you. It made me wonder how far you would go to get what you desired. You were never one to trifle with people’s emotions,” he stated, but somehow she didn’t quite believe him. She swallowed in shame as she recalled every overture and every sexual insinuation, she had displayed that night.

 

“I never…” she faltered and took a breath before she continued, her face getting flushed, “I never saw myself in that light. No one ever looked at me that way… Even you never showed an interest in me, not until…” she trailed of and looked away, only for him to direct her face back to him with the hand still on her chin.

 

“I would not lay with you under false pretences,” he said seriously and looked deeply into her eyes. The look made her a rush of emotions circulate throughout her body, and that left a tingling sensation in every limb of her body. His mention of them doing something so intimate made her heart quiver as heat passed through her, intensifying her senses.

 

“There aren’t any now,” she stated barely above a cautious whisper as she reached for his mask and hat to pull them off.

 

“Vhenan,” it was a low warning as he looked into the ground as if ashamed.

 

“You kept some of your identity from me then, yes... but never out of malice,” she said softly as she unbuttoned the top button of his formal servants coat.

 

“You always gave your opinion and advice honestly,” she continued unbuttoning the next one and his breath trembled, but he did not stop her.

 

“There was no deception in the way you looked at me or spoke to me,” another button opened and his gaze finally met hers again - though they were still sad.

 

“You told me that, what you feel for me was real,” she stated with a loving smile and kind eyes.

 

“Because my feelings were... are. I only lied to you through omission. I never had any inclination as to how important you would become to me… if I had...” he faltered, but gave her a fond smile, as another button fell open.

 

“Ar lath ma, Solas. The world might keep us apart, but our love will endure. Allow yourself to be happy with me in the moments we are given,” the last button fell open and with her next words Solas’ resolve vanished. “They are so fleeting and I will not sacrifice any more of the present for past or future. I will cherish the now. Ma lathbora viran enasal ir sa lethalin,“ A bright charming smile formed on his lips and he captured hers in a passionate kiss, as he tore of the mask covering her face.

 

With his hands on her waist he pulled her against him, while she tried to push his jacket of his shoulders. The kiss felt almost devouring as she deepened it, wanting nothing more than to have him closer. Pushing the jacket of further, Solas was forced to abandon his hold on her, which sobered him suddenly. He pulled away and looked at her fondly, but there was some sadness to him still.

 

“Solas, please stay,” she said seriously in a shaky voice.

 

“Are you certain? It might make it harder,” he replied, as the unspoken words “when the veil falls” lingered in the air.

 

“Yes, I want to. You are as important to me as I am to you,” she replied in earnest.

 

“As you wish,” he smiled lovingly and captured her lips in another kiss. But this one was different. A slow lingering kiss. Softly his lips massaged her with a tenderness that made her melt, while he pulled her back to him. One hand travelled up her back, caressing the soft skin as he reached it, while his other slipped to fondly hold her hindquarters in his hand. She felt herself shiver as his fingers danced lightly up her back to fondle the back of her neck.

 

“Ma sa’lath,” he smirked against her lips as he took in the perfume lingering on her skin. 

*****

 

She merely hummed a response as his lips travelled along her jawline, his breathy chuckle making her skin tingle. Her eyes started to close as his lips nibbled under her ear. When he reached her neck, his movements were purposeful as they reached a tender spot. A sinful gasp escaped her and her eyes flew open as his kiss deepened there. Again he gave a contented sigh and it nearly broke her heart with the realisation of how rare it was. He turned her head, giving him better access and the candles in the chandelier in the ceiling went out, as if by magic. His magic, Milu assumed, and it left only the ambiance of the fireplace. She realised that her hands could do nothing, but tightly hold on to his shirt, while she made gasps and sighs that made her breathing heavy and her limps hot. Her hands drifted down his chest and would have raked at the shirt of not for the gloves, before pulling it from the belt and trousers confinding it. She brought her real hand to her mouth and removed the glove with her teeth, before placing it back near his belt. Her only real palm travelled under his shirt and to his stomach and chest, which made him hum in pleasure. He pulled away and gave her another smile, but his eyes were burning with a look she did not quite recognize from him. That was when his fingers started untying the laces that held her dress together, while she attended to the belt and buttons of his trousers. When she stood only in her underskirt and corset he kissed her passionately again and his hands at her waist pushed her back towards the bed. When her legs hit the edge of it, his lips travelled down the front of her throat and when the reached the top of her breasts, he pushed her back onto the bed gently. The weight of him was unfamiliar to her, as their encounter at the elven celebration at his temple had been the only intimate closeness they had ever shared. Her back arched and pushed her body against him as one of his hands travelled up her thigh. He pampered her with loving, tender and deep kisses, that had her body aching to be closer to him. Her hand went to her corset and began to unlace it. He stopped his affections and raise himself above her. First he looked at her hand and swallowed discretely, but the looked into her eyes with a smirk on his lips. There was something loving in his eyes, that she had never seen in anyone else's. A devotion that spoke of an attachment that could never be expressed with words. He noticed her metal arm making her uncomfortable and removed it for her. As always it came with blisters and small bruises that showed how uncomfortable it truly was. He healed each of them and trailed up the remaining arm with loving kisses. As he removed the corset his heated breath made her chest rise and fall with a quickened pace. Soon the rest of their clothing fell and in each other's embrace they found their solitude, fears and barriers were absent. Solas shivered when he felt the softness of her skin beneath him. He knew her naked form, only as being battered, torn and bruised. He had never seen it whole and unmarred. It had scars, but most of them had faded. He remembered how she had come by many of them and with his lips he kissed each and single one. The cut from a templars blade on her shoulder. An arrow that had graced her neck. Almost curled flesh from a scorch mark near her navel - a “gift” from a venatori mage. A poisoned dagger wound on her inner thigh, from a thief thought dead on the ground as she passed. When he kissed the last one, he heard a breath hitch nervously. He had only thought of how close he had come to lose her, when his lips gently caressed her those places, to realise the intimate position he had put himself in. He had seen nothing, but his love for her. Yet, at the realisation he smirked looking up until a pair of green eyes with a chest heaving up and down just below her gaze. The soft womanly bosom, now exposed and firm in the evening air. She gave a nervous hitching sound, when he started exploring her with his hands and mouth, sounds that soon turned into hymns of pleasure and love, as his name - his actual name and not the curse he had chosen to wear with pride - was spoke as if a prayer. When she fell apart he quickly claimed her lips with his, with the sensation of love for her dominating everything he was. Barely herself recovered from her elation ,the heat of her was pressed against the hardness belonging to him. It was his time to hiss and shudder at the feel of it.

 

“As I understand it, the Dalish traditionally save themselves for…” he failed to complete the sentence, when her hand found his passion as well.

 

“For our bondmate. It is custom, but not necessarily expected. Solas, I am bound to you heart and soul. You know this, vhenan,” she smiled against his lips before deepening the kiss.

 

Her response had not given him the answer, he had tried to acquire delicately. Even so he proceeded with caution and a hiss of pain from his lover’s lips, confirmed that his careful approach had been a wise choice. A dance of tangled limbs began and for the first time since his awakening five years prior, he felt truly connected to the present and the private world surrounding him at that moment. She was real and for once that realisation didn’t bring fear.

 

*****

 

Solas smiled as he felt the back of Milu’s naked body pressed against his own. One arm was wrapped around her, while a hand was placed on her abdomen, a small healing spell comforting any stinging sensation that might linger. He chuckled at himself and his idiocy to think that she would have given herself to anyone, as a mere means to an ends. In the end, what she had given him that night, she had always saved for him. It made him feel less worthy than ever, but also never more certain that neither of them had loved as much as they did each other. She had been right. They were bound, whether they were near each other or not.

 

“How are you feeling, my love?”  He asked quietly against her neck as he placed a kiss there.

 

“Tired, but happy,” she mumbled her breathy chuckle, “And you?”

 

“Your spirit is always a comfort and a haven of peace for me. Being so close to you makes me dwell on happier thoughts and chime out the haunting memories, that await me in the darker corners of my thoughts and dreams,” he smiled closing his eyes with a contented sigh.

 

“I never thought the fade would be unpleasant for you,” she turned in his arms to see his face more clearly, as she answered her own question, “I suppose like this world it would always contain both happiness and pain,”

 

“You always had a thoughtfulness I respected and loved, vehnan. It always seemed far too easy to tell you too much,” he sighed and kissed her brow softly.

 

“You, telling too much?” the look she gave him was one of doubt.

 

“If only you knew. I wanted to tell you the truth so many times. It always lingered on the edge of my lips, but you throw me off so easily, that I lost my nerve each time,”

 

“Ir abelas,” she replied a little sadly, and he could see thoughts chasing each other in an endless circle in her head. He pushed her onto her back and captured her lips in a long and loving kiss, only to part long enough to hum against them:

 

“Tel’abelas, vehnan’are.  Ma emma lath, and I will never regret any moment that I spent with you,”

  
  
  


Elven translation:

 

Ar lath ma : I love you

Ma lathbora viran enasal ir sa lethalin : Let my path to a place of lost love be the joy that once was (roughly)

Ma sa’lath : My one love

Ma emma lath: you are my love

Tel’abelas, vehnan’are: I am not sorry, my heart’s desire

 

 


	7. Revalation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I am so sorry this took so long. Since having my son I have had little time for writing. I wanted this done for Valentine's day, as a present to all of you who have supported this story. I was in a hurry, so please forgive the errors there might be. The next chapter will be the last. I hope you enjoy this one. Happy Valentines day.

Chapter 7

Solas knew that being with her at the ball over a month before had been a mistake. Yet he could not make his heart fully regret it. He could only remember it with fondness and every bone in his body ached to feel her close again. In his lifetime he had been infatuated before, but with Milu it had always been different. From the first he had seen her as someone he needed to protect and guide. She was bearing his mark and he felt responsible for her. When he learned with what interest and ease she took to his guidance - despite her Dalish heritage - he saw not a stubborn pupil, too proud to acknowledge, when she was wrong, but rather an intelligent young student eager to see not one or two perspectives on a matter, but several. And in this progress he had come to see that she was not the stubborn one, blinded by assumptions, but that he had indeed been the flawed one. She had told him that he had been the reason that she could defeat Corypheus, but she had been wrong. He was the one, who would have been the lesser for not knowing her. And though it did not make his path less clear, it did make it infinitely more difficult to follow. In her eyes he saw what Felassan had tried to explain to him, and it filled his heart with terror, mourning and regret. In his time with her he had been no one but Solas. The admiration and the dread that his title as Fen’harel inspired had been lost in those months. For the first time in millennia someone had seen only Solas. He was judged as a regular elf - for better and for worse. And in her eyes he had been an equal. Still, he had found admiration in her tone of voice, fascination in her shy looks and an appreciation in every action, that was granted to him for just being him. He had meant it, when he told her that he would not have her see what he would become. To destroy that expression of admiration - to be able to see it evaporate as he turned into a monster ( even as he claimed not to be one ) - was more than he could bear. He wanted to be able to take solace in the look of her eyes, the curve of her smile and the sound of fascination in her voice in his darkest moments - even if they would be nothing but a memory. But even with this knowledge, he could not make himself regret the intimacy that had happened between them. And yet, he kept his distance as did she. As his plans were slowly coming together another few weeks passed, when Milu had approached him in the fade and asked him to meet with her. But even as they kept their distance his love for her had never been more profound. So it was with part joy, but a large amount of bitter dread that his thoughts lingered on her. His path had not changed, but in the most hidden part of his soul lingered hope, that she would find another way. That her mind would see a path, that his had overlooked. Because everything was in place. Destroying the veil would take nothing more than the flick of his wrist, but something in him hesitated. A voice gently whispering caution in his ear, and lately it had felt as if a pair of vengeful eyes were always lingering on him. 

“It beats a steady song, that is resolute, but ever changing. Not carved in stone, but rather like water. Always finds a way to the end. Not by force, but by harmoni,” Cole’s familiar voice echoed through the fade.

“Is that your way of telling me that she is less stubborn, Cole?” Solas smirked, as he turned to face Cole. The spirit was sitting on a large log in the fades interpretation of the forest surrounding the ruins Solas now inhabited. Cole’s head was looking at wisps dancing playfully on the stream close by as his heels were tapping the log, almost as if meant as a tune. The childlike innocence had never left the spirit, even as his affection for those in the other world never left. Through the veil the spirit was always watching, guiding and protecting in his own way.

“She focuses on the goal and not the means. So many paths. The journey different, but the destination is the same,” the spirit clarified.

“Quite right,” Solas smiled a little wistfully and sat down in his usual regal way next to his spirit friend. As they sat there in silence they looked not unlike a father and a son. A breathy chuckle escaped Solas and Cole at the same time as Solas was reminded of something Milu had once said - that Cole had two farther’s in Solas and Varric.

“I miss Varric,” the spirit admitted, “I wish dwarves could dream,”

“Perhaps, you will get the opportunity to see him again some day,” Solas tried to offer, but Cole merely shook his head in sorrow.

“When the curtain is drawn and the sky returns to the earth, Varric will be lost in the chaos,”

Solas knew that Cole was right. Varric would be one of the first to defend the world and how it was. Trying to restore order and denying change, he would most likely be one of the first to fall in the chaos. And in the depths of Solas heart and soul, he felt a shudder that would haunt him with equal measure through the eternity of his unending lifetime. 

“She wants to see you,” Cole broke the silence, “Three days from now,”

“So I am to be summoned like a servant?” Solas raised an eyebrow, but still a smile formed on his lips. Cole choose to ignore the comment.

“The sketch will show you were,” and then his spirit friend vanished.

When Solas finally awoke he had spend hours of the fade looking for a piece of parchment, a carving, cave painting or a map that could tell him his destination. He was not too prideful to come to Lavellan when asked, far too curious let the opportunity pass him by and to eager to hold her again to deny himself. So against his better judgement, it was with frustration he had awoken and found nothing. He started scattering through maps, parchments and books in his possession, only to find the solution was quite obvious, when there was a knock on the door. In came one of his agents with the newest intel from Solas many other agents. Solas nearly laughed out loud as he turned to face the agent.

“Sketch, I believe you have some information for me,” Solas stated snidely with his hands folded behind his back in a confident pose.

“Well, yes. I have the reports from…” the elven mage began.

“Thank you, that is, however, not the point of my inquiry,” Solas stepped closer to Sketch, who seemed suddenly hesitant and uncomfortable.

“I don’t know what you are you are talking about,” Sketch replied calmly, but the finger suddenly caressing his collar did not escape Solas notice.

“I know, you can tell me where she is,” Solas smirked almost viciously as he took another step closer. Close enough to hear Sketch’s uneven breaths, the calm mask on the mage’s face shattered.

“I…” he began, but Solas cut him off.

“Very well, let me tell you what I know. As a young mage you escaped the circle and in order to stay free and make a living you became a mercenary for an orlesian woman named Marjolaine,” Sketch’s complexion turned white as Solas continued,”Here you met Leliana, the current Divine Victoria. As old friends she trusted you, so when she and Lavallen needed allies to infiltrate my ranks, they contacted you,” Solas’ self satisfied smirk was undeniable and the dread that showed on Sketch’s face resembled a man awaiting execution.

“How long?” the elven mage stuttered in his surprise of having been discovered.

“Almost since you arrived. And you can calm yourself. As it turned out, having you in my ranks has been quite beneficial after all. You have nothing to fear from me. Provided that you take me to Milu Lavellan,” Solas replied and turned away with a casual charm, “ And have no worries. She knows to expect me. You will not meet an untimely end by an arrow of hers,”

________

In a cave in Tevinter some remaining fanatic templars laid dead on the ground. The ground was muddied with their blood and dirt, as their skin was scorched beyond recognition and their armour melted into their flesh or scattered as puddles on the soaked dirt. A blinding blue light resonated through it all and made it almost impossible to see. A serious disadvantage as a terrifying creature was fuming with its anger - literally. Milu stood above on some crates, where she had the advantage of aim, as a crossbow had replaced her metal arm - a gift from Varric and Bianca. Between her and the blue monster stood a taller woman, with long blond hair kept in a braid and sapphire eyes that matched the blue light that embraced all of them. If not for the seriousness of the situation, it would have been a beautiful sight. The woman’s silver armour, the longsword and hair pale skin was shimmering in the light, that made her look like a celestial being. Yet in her eyes burned the stubbornness of a warrior. The full figured woman was both muscle and curves, that with ease held the large weapon and wielded it with vigor and precision. She was the exact opposite of Milu in almost every way, as she stood between her and the shining creature like a wall. Like the veil, she stood between the creature of magic and the mortal with no connection to the beyond.

“I will not let you do this!” The woman roared at the being.

“You would deny me my purpose?!” The entity growled charging towards her. Yet, right in front of her it stopped - their faces nearly touched as its hand was raised, ready to attack if needed. They seemed like an unstoppable force and an immovable object, and should they collide, Milu was certain that the world would be torn apart. The warrior closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as if to calm herself and threw her weapon to the side. The monster didn’t move as she removed her gloves and threw those on the ground as well. Her white hands seemed to glow as the light from the being reflected on her skin. She placed her palms on its face as she spoke softly, but determinedly.

“I am reminding you of it! I am not losing you today and I refuse not having you by my side tomorrow.” the statement was absolute and not to be argued. The creature must have arrived at the same conclusion, as the blue light retreated and the beauty around them was replace by the gore it had been responsible for. The creature turned into a man with reddish blonde hair, light skin and brown eyes. As he looked around him, his eyes watered and his body became heavy with regret - as if the monster, that took him over, was riding on his shoulders in invisible form. The warrior put her arms around him and pulled him into her embrace - almost with a fierceful movement.

“I am so sorry, love,” the man said with great sorrow as she held him and she pushed him away only far enough so that she could look into his eyes.

“Don’t apologize for this. They brought it on themselves by following us. They keep coming, it’s like they want to die,” her smirk was almost predatory as she spoke, but it made the man give a rueful smile.

As Milu watched these souls she couldn’t help but being reminded of herself and Solas. These two were far more volatile in their nature, but Milu knew that neither of them had more blood on their hands than her and Solas. The man, a mage named Anders, had less innocent blood on his hands than Milu’s love, should he succeed in his plans. The woman named Malina Hawke, who had a brutal way of dealing with most, had not affected as many lives as Milu Lavellan - for better and for worse. The elves might seem more serene, collected and honorable, but in their wake they had, and would, cause more misery , than the two humans many had come to view as villains. An icy feeling spread through Milu’s veins, as she tried to think of how the future would remember her and Solas. He had been misunderstood for centuries, but if that image of the Dread Wolf’s power and destruction still lingered, perhaps in the future it would be the right notion. The false memories of the Dalish might have become a prophecy of Fen’Harel’s future. Anders stepped forward - cautiously - and looked at Milu with an ashamed look that never left his eyes.

“I… Forgive me. If you want to seek help elsewhere, I understand. I know most would rather not associate with an… abomination,” Anders apologized.

“I have a friend who taught me of spirits and I have another, who is a spirit considered a demon. Your friend is tormented, like my friend was for a long time. His name is Cole, and I know he has done terrible things, but he has also done a lot of good. Your friend is simply confused. If you are still willing to help me, then we might be able to help your friend as well,” Milu comforted with a gentle smile and Anders gave a grateful look in return.

“Anders, go to the stream and clean up. Otherwise you will just leave a bloodtrail all the way through Tevinter,” Hawke stated in a stern voice, but what most people would hear as an commandeering statement was something completely different to both Milu and Anders. They heard the caring and worry behind it. The unspoken concerns and feelings, that the ruthless warrior would not let to the surface. Many might have thought Hawke cruel, unpleasant and grouchy, but Milu had come to find her loyal, protective and even loving in her own way. She had always wondered how Varric could be so loyal and friendly to someone, who was so unlike him, until she saw the devotion and fierce protectiveness in Hawke’s nature. And deep in the warriors feral soul there was a power of forgiveness that Milu could only compare to Cole’s. Hawke picked up the belongings that had been scattered around during the fight and passe Milu with confident and determined steppes.

“This scheme of yours better be worth it. There is not much of him left, and I will be damned if I allow anyone to take that away from me,” Hawke practically sneered as she left the cave.

Milu merely nodded and followed Hawke as a voice of memory whispered in the back of her mind:

“Anders is going to die, just like your family, and everyone you ever cared about.”

Those words were accompanied by words in writing:

Solas’ greatest fear: Dying alone  
________

During their journey Sketch had been very uncomfortable. All this time he had been convinced that the Dread Wolf had no idea of his espionage. He had joined Solas’ forces at the request of Leliana and had worked with Lavellan ever since. It has been his objective to find any information about Solas’ activities, and though Solas had been secretive and illusive, he seemed to have been no more forthcoming with his other agents. Nothing had given Sketch any cause to think that he had been made. When Lavellan had been rescued by the ancient God, Sketch had given her access to Vir Dirthara. His certainty, that he had not been discovered, turned into fear. Would the Dread Wolf be forgiving? Sketch did not believe so, yet Solas did not seem concerned with this in the least. Which led to another thought. Had Sketch unknowingly been giving Solas information about Lavellan - and if so what would Leliana do to him, when it was discovered? So as they approached the hill, where they were to meet Lavellan, Sketch was still hesitant and worried. Much to his relief, Solas seemed scarcely aware of his presence as he saw Lavellan in the distance.

In many ways Solas and Milu were alike, but their difference in nature and age did sometimes surface in the most common of ways. While Solas approached Lavellan with a regal and patient walk, she ran to him with the joy of a child. Still, when she reached his embrace, Solas could not resist the temptation of spinning her and immediately catch her lips in a kiss, as he sat her back down. His heart grew with fondness as she drew away from him and looked into his eyes with childlike enthusiasme.

“Come,” she almost whispered, while taking his hand.

He felt a slight tremble in her hand and felt the tension in her body. Knowing her, as he did, he suspected it was part from eagerness, but also slight worry. Whatever she had been doing she would reveal to him soon, and an icy dagger seemed to touch his heart - for revealing his plans to her had caused nothing but misery. A short walk later they arrived to a cave entrance surrounded by ancient Tevinter ruins built on top of lost elvhen ones. Solas recognized the architecture that had almost vanished in the elaborate Tevinter carvings, statues and runes. The further they got into the tunnel, the more Solas that hidden doors and passageways, that led to the dwarf kingdoms of old, had been sealed. No doubt by the Wardens, trying to prevent the Darkspawn from coming up through them. Milu, however, seemed to not have paid them any attention - out of either disinterest or simply not discovering them, he was unsure. In any case, for Solas this was a relief. More was hidden in the Deep Roads than mere Darkspawn. He looked at one of the sealed corridors and felt it pulling at him - almost as if something was looking back at him. A memory haunting him, perhaps. When Solas sealed away the Evanuris, he had first sundered their souls. A fragment of their power had been sealed inside dragons. Without them the elvhen Gods could not transform. Alas these had become old Gods of Tevinter, and most of them had been slain during the blights. The hubris of men and elves alike, not knowing what they were destroying. The other fragments of the Gods had been sealed away behind eluvians. Each their own prison, from where there was no return. They were hidden and guarded beneath the stone - the last place any fanatic followers or slaves of Arlathan would look for their Gods. 

“Solas?” the soft voice echoed.

He looked at Milu and realised that his mind must have wondered as he stood completely still.

“Is everything alright?” her voice like silk as the palm of her hand stroked his cheek.

“It is nothing. But let us continue. I am eager to see, what made you bring me here.” He smiled fondly and without delay she continued ahead, but for several feet Solas could not shake the feeling of being watched.

Solas was surprised, when they reached a large room at the end of the cave. The missing mages and scholars from across Thedas seemed to be working within that massive hall. Studying elven text, elven magic and creating enchanted runes by the dozen. At the end was a curtain that drew his attention very quickly. As they approached a female elf and a human man rose from a table next to the curtain. The man looked very sickly, pale and skinny. The elven woman lively, but somehow uncertain as well. A human woman, who Solas recognized as Hawke, was standing at the table as well, nodding in recognition as they approached.

“Solas, I would like you to meet Merrill and Anders. Without them our endeavour wouldn’t have been possible,” Milu introduced with her usual friendly way.

Solas greeted them in his usual gracious manner. He could sense something unique coming from the man named Anders, and wondered if the spirit inside him was truly corrupted. He pondered if he had ever met the spirit in his ages of slumber. Would he even recognize it? His thoughts were quickly drawn in another direction. Merrill was the only Dalish elf there.

“Where is the rest of your clan?” Solas asked.

“Oh we are not of the same clan. I don’t have a clan anymore, but I guess neither does Lavellan,” Merrill spoke quickly and then stopped as she saw the surprised look on Solas’ face and Milu turning hers away - as if she meant to hide the pain she was probably feeling.

“I am so sorry!” Merrill apologized “I didn’t know it was a secret…. Ir abelas, lethalin. I…” the flustered elf continued, obviously mortified.

“It’s alright, Merrill. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Milu comforted taking Merrill’s hand and guided her to the curtain on the wall, eager to change the subject, Solas presumed. “Show Solas your remarkable achievement. He will be very impressed,”

Milu’s eyes sparkled with excitement as Merrill seemed to turn almost pale. Yet, when Solas approached with his kind demeanour and patient nature, the elf seemed to calm. Milu pulled the curtain and before Solas was one Eluvian - but one unlike any he had seen before. With a wolf howling at the top of the frame, Solas recognized his own nature, though it was doubtful that the one who carved it knew the truth of the Dread Wolf.

“The restoration of this mirror is remarkable. You have shown true skill and craftsmanship,” Solas praised smiling at Merrill.

“Oh it was nothing… Anders helped a lot…” Merrill began, but Anders interrupted.

“Against my better judgement,” the man grouched a little.

“It is part of my culture and Lavellan said that…” Merrill tried to defend.

“Enough! Surely he has not come this far to listen to your childish bickering!” Hawke interrupted heatedly, which instantly sobered her companions.

Solas put a hand on the mirror.

“You have made it work… Not a task easily achieved. Where did you get the components?” he asked.

“The Qun,” Milu smirked as she walked up next to him.

“Naturally,” he chuckled “There is more to this, however. Care to tell me why you have gone through so much effort to restore this?”

“You just say the password and it opens,” Merrill explained, clearly unaware that Solas was fully aware and knowledgeable about what it did and how it worked. He merely nodded gratefully as a reply. 

“Fen’Harel ma ghilana,” Milu said in a low voice and Solas smiled softly at her, rather than being amazed by the Eluvian working. As she took his hand and guided him through the mirror, Solas realised that he had never been more uncertain or hesitant. Rejecting what she had created would mean him losing her admiration for good.

________

When they exited the mirror they were surrounded by old elven ruins, that were covered in lush wilderness. The scent of tropical flowers lingered in the air and the area was buzzing with insects and birds chirping, it was vibrant and beautiful. Even so, Solas felt disheartened, as he believed that there would be nothing in these ruins that would help Milu convince him that another way was possible. Destruction must come before you can rebuild. He turned to look at the mirror and gave a mournful smile as seeing his love depicted on this one. She had clearly believed that this would change everything. He then felt Milu’s hand in his.

“Don’t be so discouraged yet. Try and feel what is around you,” Milu smiled.

That was when Solas noticed something different. Every colour seemed more vibrant, there was a humming in the air, that seemed to be echoing past and present at once. In the blue sky you could still see the shimmering stars - even if they were not as clear as they were at night. The birds songs resonated within small beings of light that made sounds of crystal. The white stone of the ruins seemed to shimmer like gold. Everything seemed to be drawing him in and every cell in his body was responding to the magic that seemed to be floating like dust in the air.

“It’s not possible…” Solas whispered in awe.

“Oh, but it is.Vir sumeil!” Milu giggled with excitement and guided him through the ruins.

When they exited the ruins Solas looked at the sky and the ground. They seemed to be on an island, floating as if they were in the fade or the crossroads. Only Solas knew that they were not. Below he could see the jungle beneath them and a giant crater where the piece of earth they were standing on used to be. On the island seemed to be a giant dome. A magical barrier with magic that could only have been created by powerful magic. All around the egde were runes maintaining the magic.

“My, how dismal you look. Tis is what you wished for, is it not?” Morrigan’s voice sounded as she stood beside Solas, looking at him with a subtle smile.

“It is truly remarkable - all due to my efforts of course,” Dorian chuckled from behind them.

“The mage is speechless, go figure,” The Iron Bull laughed standing next to Dorian.

“Not possible… burden, sacrifice like a thousand mountains binding and confounding. Fire and ice to different to exist at once… It is real, Solas. We did this for you,” Cole’s voice hummed, “I am me here. Not one, nor another - just me. Not wrong, twisted or locked away. Not a monster. You don’t have to be either,”

Cole was standing on the other side of Solas, who was truly lost for words. So many questions had not roamed in his head for centuries. There had only been one question filling his head for millennia - the question “Was I wrong?”. Out of the ruins came Hawke, Anders and Merrill. Anders was controlled by the spirit, but it seemed somehow more mellow than Solas had expected. What drew him back to reality, was the unusual sight of a dwarf playing with Morrigan’s son. Performing some kind of ritual between runes and magic, that made the wisps dance with joy. He turned around and looked at Milu with awe.  
“Ma ghilani vhenan,” he uttered with a shaky voice and she held out her hand guiding him around the edge of the floating island - making it a private moment just for them.

“You created a rift in the veil, but contained it here so that a part of your world and the fade were no longer separate. How?” he asked.

Milu looked at him and was almost hurt by the fact that he did not seem pleased. He was confused and resistant, yet seemed to understand everything.

“After disbanding the inquisition, I thought about what you said. You said that there was still hope for restoration. I felt myself wanting the future you wanted to create. To share all those marvels with you. The Dalish… We deserve to see our culture restored. To regain what we lost. But to see everything else die… Despite being a true elvhan, I felt that part of me belonged to the world as it was. That it had been nurtured within me. I wanted both, but like you I believed that I could not have it. I tried to take measures to stop you, but I also began looking for the only one, who might know as much as you… Mythal,” Milu began explaining and a knot formed in Solas’ stomach as his friend’s name was mentioned. He remained silent, however, and just listened.

“I couldn’t, but then Morrigan sought me out. She said that the voices from the well of sorrows guided her to me. Dorian and I researched how to make the island float. Merrill restored the Eluvian, while Anders and Cole studied how to make the spirits uncorrupted, when encountered with the merger. Morrigan said the well knew how the veil was created and experimented with creating pockets within it. I had Sandal create runes that could maintain the spells. We used the resources of the venatori, scholars and many others to make this happen. I was unsure how much he understood at first, but it worked,” Milu looked at Solas, whose expression was still unreadable, so carefully she proceeded to talk.

“Don’t you see? We can make hundreds of islands like this throughout Thedas. The elves can live in a world like they were meant to, while the humans, dwarfs and even the Qunari can live below. We need not sacrifice them this way. Using the eluvians we can travel between the islands and perhaps even trade with the rest of the world. We can create a kingdom that is everywhere and nowhere at once. Safe, secluded, but still part of this world. Achieving this much was almost impossible, but with your help this could be possible..” she hesitated as he looked into the air not acknowledging anything at all, but as if someone or something else was distracting him, “Ma halani vhenan,” she pleaded, “Solas?”

“I am sorry Inquisitor,” he replied absentmindedly, which had her chuckling nervously. He had not called her that in ages and her uncertainty was making her heart pound and shiver.

“I was destined to walk the Din'anshiral. To be here.. to see this.... There is much to be done,” he continued and turned around to walk away. After a few paces he stopped and turned to look at her. It seemed like an eternity before he moved and then Milu found herself scooped into his arms in a passionate kiss.

“Ma serannas emma lath. Vir sumeil,” he smiled against her lips before dragging her towards the eluvian.

“Where are you going?” Dorian called out.

“We need more resources and magical artefacts,” Solas explained.

“Sounds like an interesting diversion!” Dorian replied and followed uninvited with Iron Bull.

None of them saw that both Cole and Morrigan were looking into the horizon as if the tried to make out some illusive.

“You feel it too, spirit, no?” Morrigan stated not looking away from the horizon.

“Voices whispering and dreams tampered with. He does not know how yet, but he will,”

________

Three days later

Red and golden eyes made Solas feel a tremor pass through his soul.

“You carry my dragon’s soul. Return it to me, Fen’Harel, or darker times will embrace your future…” the voice rasping and full of hatred.

On the ground lay Lavellan, eyes deprived of life, her clothes soaked in her blood - so red that it matched the colour of her hair - lungs no longer drawing breath.

“Bellanaris Din'an Heem Falondin!” He roared right before a wolf’s howl of sorrow echoed through the valley at the temple of Fen’Harel.

Eleven translation:

Vir sumeil : Follow me  
Ma ghilani vhenan : Guide me my heart  
Ma serannas emma lath : Thank you my love  
Bellanaris Din'an Heem Falondin! : I will make you dead Falondin


	8. Chapter 8: Tale of three mothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas goes on a journey to avenge the death of his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took soooooo long. I have had it laying around for awhile, but never seemed to find the time to go through it. I hope you will enjoy this final chapter. Happy holidays to everyone!

_ In ancient arlathan. _

Solas was pacing back and forth, impatient and fearful. It had been hours, and his friend should have arrived by then. The Evanuris were acting more and more suspicious, but since the Evanuris did no longer trust him, he had only her accounts to rely on. He gave a relieved sigh as the eluvian lit up, and through it came Mythal.

 

“You had me worried,” he stated with a soft smile.

 

“Surely you do not dread for me?” the in her tone voice snarky.

 

“They will try to kill you if they get the chance,” Solas warned seriously.

 

“Ha!” she laughed with confidence, “I am not that easily killed,” there was a certainty in her nature, that bordered on overconfidence.

 

“That does not mean they will not make the attempt,”

 

Mythal took off her cloak and draped it over the furniture as she sighed. She walked over to him and gently caressed his cheek.

 

“You are always so fearful and certain that you are right. The tunes are playing, but you are not playing all the instruments, my friend. Everything will work out as it is supposed to,” she tried to comfort, so Solas made an effort to push his inner warnings aside.

 

“How bad is it?”

 

“Falon’din’s little “spell” is spreading. I suspect most of the Evanuris to be affected by now,” Mythal answered with a serious expression on her face.

 

“If what you suspect is true, then that “little spell” has become a blight. All of his subjects are infected!” Solas sneered.

 

“I am aware,” Mythal replied calmly.

 

“How can they be so ignorant? Are the Evanuris so obsessed with having power, that they will place themselves under that spell? Their subjects were already slaves. And creating a spell from Andruil’s madness? Is there no end to Falon’din’s malice?” Solas cried so that the chamber shook.

 

“You know that answer,” she stated with a rueful smile.

 

“One day he will not be able to control them with his “calling”” he warned with a sneer. Then something dawned on Solas, that made his heart stop.

 

“You said all….” a statement with an unspoken question.

 

“I suspect him of forcing it on Jun and Sylase,” Mythal stated calmly.

 

Solas rubbed his face with his hands, his anger and despair increasing. Mythal walked to him and put her hands on his shoulders.

 

“You are not responsible, Solas. You merely helped those, who would have turned away from the Evanuris anyway. They would want nothing better for those who stand against them to be crushed and for the Titans to be forgotten. This time, they can not ignore the justice they are owed,”

 

She gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek and then put her cloak back on. Solas gave her a meek smile, trying to act as if her attempts at comfort had eased his pain. 

 

“I will return in three days time,”

 

“You should be cautious. They will try to force the spell on you as well,” Solas warned.

 

“They may try, but we both know that I am too strong for it to take hold. I was the one to pacify Andruil after all - and kill the Titan who poisoned her mind ,” she smiled with a bit of pride.

 

“And when they will not succeed, they might try to kill you,” Solas snarled.

 

“It will not come to that. Elganarn will not allow it. He loves me,”

 

Solas turned her and hugged her.

 

“All I ask is that you will be careful,”

 

She smiled softly at him and patted his cheek before passing through the eluvian. She never returned through the mirror.

  
  
  


_ Celebration of the anniversary of the King and Queen of Ferelden _

 

Queen Vanessa Cousland was standing on a balcony getting some air and peace from the celebrations going on inside. Seven years had passed since she defeated the archdemon and Seven years since she married Alistair. But even after all those years, the repercussions of the blight and the duty of the wardens still lingered in the shadows of the otherwise happy marriage. No heir had been provided yet, due to the taint in both the king and queen - at least that was what they presumed. Ferelden had not yet fully recovered from the blight, much of the farmland destroyed by the darkspawn, which meant that there was food for the people, but not enough for trade. So Ferelden economy suffered. On top of it all, whispers had started to linger in the back of Vanessa’s mind. The song of the darkspawn humming like a migraine. It might not be long before the Calling took hold of her. She had not yet told Alistair, so instead she pondered her sorrow under the stars on the balcony.

 

“Tis not like you to look so defeated. Surely you would spare us all this gloominess and just fall on your sword if that is your intent,” words came from a memory and despite their harshness Vanessa felt only fondness. Morrigan had always been direct and had she been there the witch would have been disgruntled with Vanessa’s state of mind. The Queen was reminded with their last meeting only a few months prior. She had given her books and maps, but after the Chantry explosion in Kirkwall Vanessa had yet to look at them. She thought of her friend and her son. Kieran was the boy’s name - the only thing Morrigan had revealed about Alistair’s son. Their son. In truth Vanessa felt like the child belonged to the three of them, despite Alistair wanting to forget him, Morrigan hiding him and Vanessa having no relation to him at all. But with herself not having a child, it was where her mind often lingered. As if something sprung to life inside her, it was with determination that she ran to her rooms and looked at the books. Morrigan would have given them to her for a reason. As she opened one book she found a letter from Morrigan inside.

 

“ _ My dear sister, _

 

_ the world is about to change. Being shaped into something new. But to move forward to world will need to, this I know for sure. You have done me many kindnesses through our time travelling together, so let me return the favour. _

 

_ I know your time is running short. The Calling always comes quicker for those recruited during a Blight. But in the lands beyond Orlais there is the possibility of finding a cure for the taint in your blood. Do not waste time. _

 

_ Live well and long, my friend. _

 

_ Morrigan _ ”

 

Vanessa looked to the sky through her window and thanked Morrigan. The witch had gotten the soul of the Arch Demon - the debt had been paid by saving Vanessa and Alistair’s lives. There was no reason for Morrigan to do them another favour. But with the possibility of living a natural long life for both her and Alistair… the possibility of an heir, Vanessa was not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Not yet thirty, her an Alistair still had years left to produce a child of their own without the taint in their blood. In the maps and books, Vanessa was determined to find a lead that would make finding a cure possible.

 

_ The day of Milu Lavellan’s death _

 

After seeing the possibility of Milu’s plan Solas felt exhilarated. He had not once contemplated that he could create a new world for his people. He had been so obsessed with what had been and restoration that he had not been able to envision anything else. But creating a world floating in the air, there could be room for them all. The depths for the dwarves, the earth for the human’s and qunari and the sky for the elves and spirits. All of them sharing, but each of them with their own dominions. Spirits could find havens and once again live in harmony with reality. So it was with genuine renewed hope that he went to bed that night beside his beloved. When he later awoke and Milu was not beside him, he figured that she was working on their plans. Everything he had gathered and planned had now been merged with hers. All of his resources dedicated to building the elves a new home in the sky. Assuming that she would come back to bed he did not get up. Not until he felt familiar presence that made a chill run down his spine. He sat up in his bed in an instant.

 

“Falon’din…” the words on his lips were like a poison, burning cold on his lips.

 

Feeling his presence was unmistakable, but as Solas jumped from his bed and ran out of the room, he couldn’t understand how the bloodthirsty enavuris could possibly have escaped his prison. It was only the realisation, that the unsettling presence that had distracted him on the floating isle must have been Falon’din, that he understood what must have happened. He searched the ancient temple of the Dread Wolf for Lavellan, but without any succes. This was when he by chance ran into Dorian in one of the libraries, who had followed them to the Temple.

 

“Dorian, where is Milu?” Solas asked hastily.

 

“Why? Did you have a lovers quarrel?” Dorian replied somewhat amused.

 

“I must find her. Now tell me where she is,” Solas insisted and at that instant Dorian’s smile evaporated completely.

 

“I have not seen her. How long has she been gone?” the magisters worry reflected the dread in Solas’ heart. Solas might be her lover, but Dorian and Cole had become her brother’s and her family. The only one she had left after her clan deserted her. So when the magster insisted upon following them to the temple, Solas had been unable to object. When Solas merely shook his head and frustratedly rubbed his face with his hand, Dorian began running and tearing up doors as he passed them. It seemed almost by coincidence that Dorian stopped at a window and looked down below. He pointed through the window.

 

“Is that a friend of yours?”

 

Solas hurried to the window and in the wilds - that had once been a garden - stood Falon’din in his might and glory and right beside him a shorter elf with long red hair and merely one arm. Even from the distance Falon’din seemed to sense them and looked up directly at them, grabbing Milu by her neck. Solas felt the poisonous chill, still on his lips, turning his stomach into a chunk of ice. He took Dorian by the shoulders and he nearly sneered as he demanded.

 

“That is anything, but a friend. Dorian, when you rebuild the eluvians, where did you get the mirrors from?”

 

“Remember the qunari fortress, where we followed you from? There were many broken eluvians there. To make sure it wasn’t wasted, Milu insisted that we use them,” Dorian explained, and unable to control his outburst Solas replied.

 

“You fools! You have no idea what you have done!”

 

He all but stormed off, but Dorian grabbed him by the arm.

 

“Solas, explain what is going on. From the look on your face, I would say that we need a plan before storming down there,”

 

“There is no time to waste!”

 

Solas dragged his arm free and ran down to the grounds with Dorian right in his heels. Falon’din had positioned himself at the top of a small hill, he held Lavellan in an magic field making her float slightly on the ground. They were facing each other with their sides to Solas and Dorian, that were almost there, when Falon’din made a motion for them to stop with his hand.

 

“Stay right there, Solas. We would not want anything drastic to happen,” Falon’din’s voice was quite calm as he spoke.

 

“You will not harm her!” Solas growled, but Falon’din didn’t look at him.

 

“Why would a God harm his loyal subject? I believed you to be of the people little one, but you do not wear a vallaslin - Solas’ doing I presume. It is not too late, however. Bow to your Gods and all is forgiven,” he reached forward to stroke her cheek lovingly, “We can be merciful,” he uttered softly with a sultry tone.

 

Solas’ heart was pounding in his chest with an all too familiar dread - one that did not lessen when Milu gave Falon’din a snarky grin.

 

“I see no Gods here for me to bow to,”

 

“Very well,” he replied coldly.

 

He held his hand over Milu’s head as his hand began glowing. His vallaslin burned into her forehead, and as it burned she screamed. Solas summoned all his power and sent a great pulse of magic towards his old foe. That was when Falon’din used Milu as a shield and Solas’ spell killed her instantly. 

 

“No!” Dorian cried and ran to Milu as Falon’din cast her body aside, while Solas stood paralyzed. Red and golden eyes made Solas feel a tremor pass through his soul. With his rage he latched out, his magic simmering through the air, but Falon’din disappeared - only his voice remained a moment longer. 

 

“You carry my dragon’s soul. Return it to me, Fen’Harel, or darker times will embrace your future…” the voice rasping and full of hatred.

 

On the ground lay Lavellan, eyes deprived of life, her clothes soaked in her blood - so red that it matched the colour of her hair - lungs no longer drawing breath.

 

“Bellanaris Din'an Heem Falondin!” He roared right before a wolf’s howl of sorrow echoed through the valley at the temple of Fen’Harel.

  
  


_ Somewhere in the desert to the west of Thedas. _

 

Vanessa had been searching for years and still found nothing. She was supposed to find a certain theig, where the secrets of the Blights origins were kept. She had found entrance upon entrance, but cave ins, darkspawns and a type of dwarves she had never encountered before, had blocked her path at every turn. She was growing desperate as time was running out. She could feel the taint in her blood becoming stronger and she feared for Alistair. Was he getting sick? Would she ever see him again? For that same reason, she couldn't be sure if she was being followed or not. She felt a presence, and in the dark she had seen shadows moving. The only thing she knew for sure, that if there was something there it wasn't darkspawn. After several days of this, she finally got the answer. She had made camp and roasted a bird she had managed to catch. If the presence had finally come to the conclusion that she was no threat, or if it was from starvation, she couldn't be sure. But that night, only a few meters from her sat a white wolf watching her. It didn't look scared, but weary, sad and perhaps even sickly. Something tender stirred in her heart.

 

“Come and share my meal and fire. I will not harm you,” she said kindly.

 

It gave her a doubtful glare in return, to which she chuckled.

 

“I promise,” she smiled, holding up her hands as if the creature could understand her. Seemingly content, the wolf snuck up to the fire and laid down, where she carefully threw some of the bird at it. She smiled fondly as she watched.

 

“I guess it was a good thing I didn't bring Barkspawn Jr. I doubt you too would have been friends,”  she stated remembering her mabari fondly. She remembered her travels during the blight. That was the last time she had come across a wolf - and they were all driven mad by the darkspawn or hunger. This creature was different. Calm - perhaps even comforting. So it was without regret that she shared her meal with it, though food was scarce and she had been travelling for a long time.

 

“It is nice to have company for a change,”

 

There was a sound in the air that she had heard since she arrived in this part of the desert. First she had believed it to be the blight, but after coming across several elvhen and magic ruins, she now believe differently. The wolf sensed it too, as it looked to the sky and gave a soft howl in sync with the sounds.

 

“Don't worry,” she tried to comfort, as if it understood her,”Itś just the spirits singing from behind the veil. It is very thin in these parts you see. Once you get used to it, it is really quite beautiful,”

 

For some reason this seemed to interest the wolf that narrowed its eyes, and she had to chuckle at the expression. Was she having a conversation with a wolf?

 

“I met a spirit once, you know,” she said absentmindedly, talking to herself more than the wolf, “His name was Justice. I had grown up with the Chant of light next to my bed, like any noble born. I should have feared him - Especially after what I experienced in the tower,” she shivered. She still had nightmare about those demons in her head,”But I wasn´t. He was noble, honourable and wise. After losing my father, he was the first that ever made that void seem smaller. But I lost him, as the principles and religion, that had shaped my childhood destroyed him,” she an angry huff, “Maker knows where he is now. Well, goodnight little wolf. Don't choke on the bones.” and without looking at the wolf, she laid down in her bedroll and went to sleep. The wolf would not harm her, and if it went through her bag looking for food, it would be disappointed.

 

When she awoke she could hardly breathe. She felt as much pain as she did during her joining. Her limbs ached and her lungs felt as if they were filled with a heavy ooze. Her vision seemed blurred and she was panicking, though she tried to remain calm. She heard a calm voice, as a presence helped her to sit.

 

“Be calm. I will try to ease your pain,” the voice instructed and within a few moment her body returned to normal. I bald elf was sitting next to her - a mage by the look of it. Not that strange to see a mage free anymore, but so far out in the middle of nowhere - it gave her  reason to pause,

 

“I have done, what I can for now. The effects are only temporary. I apologise,”

 

“You were the wolf,” She stated calmly, but her narrowing eyes studied him closely. He was taken a little aback, but merely smiled.

 

“My name is Solas, and yes I am the wolf. I thought repaying your kindness would be proper, Grey Warden,”

 

“I am Vanessa Therin, Queen of Ferelden. I demand to know what brings you here,” she insisted.

 

He merely chuckled at her.

 

“I will answer, but know that it is not because you are Queen, but because you have shown that you are not as shortsighted as I believed your kind to be,”

 

“And how would you know,” she questioned,.

 

“I visited you in your dreams,” he explained calmly.

 

“So you were stalking me in this world and the next. You are aware that my daggers are not just only for show,” she threatened.

 

“If you wanted me dead, I would have been so by now,” he stated with confidence.

 

“True enough. So your purpose in doing this and for being here?”

 

“I am looking for someone, but you have information I need to find him. I believe our purpose is one of the same, even if our reason is not,”

 

“What do you know of my purpose?”

 

“You seek a cure for the blight in you veins. I know how it was created,” he offered while looking calmly into the fire. Vanessa was in a state of disbelief. Was this elf insane? Was he telling the truth? But more importantly, with time running out, could she afford to doubt him?

 

“What do you mean, you know how the blight was created? Everyone does. The magisters entered the Golden City and corrupted it,” Venessa huffed as if he was making no sense at all.

 

“If you would listen, perhaps you would learn,” Solas snapped, “Or are you versed in ancient tales of Arlathan?”

 

She damned herself quietly in her mind. She had seen everything she thought she knew been proven wrong countless times before. Threatening him would not work. Diplomacy would be her best option.

 

“I apologise,” she smiled softly, “Please continue master Solas,”

 

“You have heard of Andruil and her hunting in the void?” Solas looked at Venessa, who nodded, “She hunted the souls of spirits, who turned into demons in her presence. She harvested their powers, but eventually it was not enough for her ever increasing hunger for power and death. She set her sights on ancient beings, known as Titans. But she underestimated the creature she found. It corrupted her and took over her thoughts - like a disease,” Solas began looking into the fire.

 

“I have never heard of anything named a Titan,” Vanessa looked at him questioning, but not doubting.

 

“No, but you have heard of the Forgotten Ones from the Dalish,”

 

Understanding dawned on her as he continued his tale.

 

“Dirthamen, Falon’din and The Dreadwolf had fought several wars together. Falon’din excelled at war particularly, and Dirthamen became his most trusted general. Dirthamen became an extension of Falon’din - his reflection. When Dirthamen was present, he was to be seen as Falon’din himself. They started to make slaves of their enemies - with time the Dreadwolf came to despise it more and more. When Andruil became cursed, the Dreadwolf had already severed ties with them long ago,”

 

He made a heavy sigh as he stirred the fire, but Venessa just sat quietly and listened. Intrigued by what she was hearing, regardless if it were true or not.

 

“There had been uprisings against Falon’din, but when the Dreadwolf refused to help him fight the uprisings, he began to suspect that the Dreadwolf´s involvement. He saw how Andruil had been bound and controlled, and wanted to apply this to his subjects. He created a curse, that would force anyone infected to heed his call,”

 

“The blight…. Falon’din created the blight?” Vanessa asked dumbfounded.

 

“With help from Andruil’s madness, yes,” Solas confirmed.

 

“But the darkspawn heed the call of the archdemons, not the eleven gods,” Venessa reasoned.

 

“How do you know they are not one and them same?” Solas smirked.

 

“That requires some explanation,” she lifted an eyebrow, her tone of voice filled with mistrust.

 

“Mythal was a dear friend of the Dreadwolf, but she was also the only one, of the Enavuris powerful enough - or willing - to turn away from Falon’din’s spell. She had defeated Andruil and cured her, forbidding her to go near the dwarven roads again - she also killed the Titan, who had the nerve to infect one of the evanuris. She saw Falon´din´s ploy for what it was, and stood against him and his followers. Driven mad by their lust for power, and the spell itself, they killed her, so that one way or another her subjects would be theirs,”

 

“So the story about the Golden City is rubbish?”

 

“No, just not entirely correct. To prevent their madness from spreading and to avenge his friend, the Dreadwolf did three things. He parted the world and divided it into to two. In that process he Banished the entire city of Arlathan into the fade - that is what you know as the golden city,”

 

“So that is what the magisters found, when they entered,” Venessa looked into the fire with a baffled look, “That still doesn’t explain the dragons,”

 

“Well, to prevent the Enavuris from escaping he also had to sunder their powers. Among them, the ability to turn into dragons. He divided each of their souls and sealed their dragon forms in the caves made by the dwarves. He intended for them to slumber there, but the corruption from the titans had leaked out. Forcing creatures in the dark to search for them, but instead of finding the Titans, they found the dragons. You see the last thing he did was locking the Titans away beneath the earth - taking most of the dwarven kingdom with them. An attempt to protect the elves from the Titans corruption” Solas´ voice was heavy with mourning and regret, but Vanessa hardly noticed as her head was spinning.

 

“The Dalish say that, the Dreadwolf was the only one who could walk both among the Gods and the forgotten ones. The Dreadwolf tricked the Gods - sealing them in the heavens and the forgotten ones in the Abyss… He has always made to be the villain, but if you are right... then he was a victim - if not a hero,”

 

“He was nothing so glamourous, I assure you,” he replied with a bit of spite.

 

“So, that was how the blight came to be…. What does that have to do with curing it now?” Vanessa asked.

 

“Only the heart of a Titan can cure you, but to get to the Titan we need to get to the one I am hunting for,” Solas stated and got to his feet, brushing dirt off his clothes.

 

“And who is that?” Vanessa asked.

 

“A mage, who fancies himself a God,” he stated, but she could tell he was being evasive.

 

“Name…. Now,” the Queen ordered and he sneered the response.

 

“Falon´din…”

 

“You want us to hunt down a God, and what? Have a chat?” she jested with disbelief.

 

“He is no more a God than Corypheus or a Archdemon - You killed one of those right?”

 

“Because that was so easy,” she remarked sarcastically as he began to walk away, “Wait! You intend to kill him?!” Vanessa half yelled before quickly picking up her things and following her new companion.

 

Three days passed and Vanessa had hardly slept, drunk or eaten. She was exhausted, but Solas didn't seem to be bothered at all. There was something about him that wasn't right. He knew too much - worse he concealed too much. But under the circumstances she had no choice but to follow him. She had everything to lose if she did nothing. It turned out that the reason he needed her was the maps and notes Morrigan had given her - and her ability to sense the blight. He seemed to know the destination, but had somehow forgotten the way. She was not even a guide at this point, but merely an advanced compass.

 

“This way,” he ordered.

 

“You know,” she gasped for breath, “I am not accustomed to having orders barked at me,”

 

“Wolves do not bark,” Solas remarked snidely.

 

“Ha ha, very amusing. If we survive this, I will make you court jester,” she half threatened.

 

“I am afraid, I would be a disappointment. I would find you much more amusing than you me,” he replied with a bit of a snark in his voice.

 

“Well, you insolent…” Vanessa sneered.

 

“We are here,”

 

In her annoyance and banter with Solas she had not seen that the sky had turned black from a sky of ebony sand covering the sky. In the distance she saw ruins that seemed nether elvhen nor dwarven - but something in between. How much had been lost in the ages long past and forgotten?

 

“Stay here,”

 

“Just try and make me. If you die, my husband dies, and there is no way I am going to lose the man I love,”

 

Solas turned and looked at her with a vulnerability, she had thought him incapable of. There was a great sorrow in his eyes, that echoed scars in her own heart - so much so that it made her feel every loss she had ever experienced. Her father, mother, sister-in-law and her beloved nephew, whose life was far too young to have been taken. So though she thought she would have to fight him, he merely nodded with understanding. She grabbed his arm when he turned and she looked deeply into his eyes.

 

“Whoever you lost, we will avenge them,” she vowed.

 

“Thank you,” he replied and they began to venture towards the sandy shadow.

 

When they reached the ruins, Vanessa had expected demons and darkspawn, but there was nothing. Bodies of people dying ages ago lay on the ground, but nothing seemed to stir in the old ruins. Not even insects. The quietness was disturbing, and when they came across bodies of grown dwarves in the circle around a small one - its brittle bones still holding a stuffed toy - Vanessa felt sick. The sight of her nephews dead body haunting her.

 

“I wish for you to stay here. He will harm you if you are near. You are a rare soul, and one of the only humans I have met that sees more than a duality of black and white. I will not rob your king or your kingdom of someone, who can bring beauty and understanding into the world,”  Solas instructed.

 

She wanted to move, she wanted to speak, but found that she could neither. She found herself sealed inside a bubble of - something -- and when wind blew sand right through her being, she shivered. She was, however, soon distracted by a handsome elf with red eyes and long black hair that approached Solas.

 

“You came,” he sneered with delight.

 

“I had little choice. You will pay for what you did!” Solas replied with a deadly voice.

 

“Give me back my soul, or I will take everything from you!” Falon'din ordered.

 

“You already did,” Solas replied, but suddenly gave a deadly smirk, ”And that was your mistake. For now I have nothing to lose,”

 

The first bolt of magic Solas send through the air was unlike anything Vanessa had ever seen. It was a thundering sound that seemed to shake the veil. She could hear spirits vailing from the other side. Yells, prayers and desperate pleas seemed to echo through the voices, but she could not understand them.

  
  


“You created the scourge, that is still a blight upon these lands!” Solas cried.

 

“It was necessary. With your whispers of rebellion against me, I needed a way to make sure I could maintain power,” Falon'din defended as a powerful wave of black sand crushed down on Solas, who defended himself with a shield.

 

“And by doing so you doomed us all!” Solas turned the sand into arrows that seemed to charge at his opponent.

 

“ _ You _ destroyed us! Not I!”

 

“You killed Mythal! She was the best of us and you slaughtered her!” Solas accused as he was engulfed in a purple flame,

 

“You! You have the soul of my dragon form! Return it to me!” Falon'din demanded making spirits of the dead crawl from the ground and cling themselves to Solas´ legs. Vanessa´s heart stopped as Solas seemed to turn older in front of her - as if the dead were sucking life from his body.

 

“You will never have it. Just as Mythal will never live again,” tears streamed down his face,”“ But despair not Falon'din, for she has not forgotten you,”

 

Solas walked towards Falon'din, who was suddenly powerless to stop him.

 

“You were a fool to think that by taking what I love, you would regain what you desired. Mythal gave me a part of you and what remained of her, just so that I could stop you. And now I will take whatever is left,”

 

The threat was not lost on Falon'din who cried in anguish. He turned grey before Solas as a purple orb seemed to be sucked out of him and absorbed by Solas himself. It was over so quickly, that Vanessa hardly realised that she could move again. Solas looked at her with watery eyes. She knew that look. Revenge never filled the emptiness of the loss, nor did it quell the anger.

 

“Come,” he instructed as he walked further into the ruins.

 

Vanessa began hearing a song much like the blight, but something that seemed much more calm. They approached a large blue stone, that was pulsating with a weak light - almost as if it was a heartbeat of a dying man.

 

“These are the remains of the Titan Falon'din used to create the blight. It is untainted, but dying. I can make a cure for you and your husband. It is all I can do for now, I am afraid. I know you would have liked to have spared every Warden,” Solas explained.

 

“Then I am disappointed, but you kept your promise. I still have no idea of what happened,” Vanessa stated, hoping for an explanation.

 

“You Warden's do not share your burden. I do not wish to share mine,”

 

“Fair enough,”

 

They parted ways not long after. Vanessa with the cure in her pocket. She could feel a sort of vitalization in her limbs and her mind seemed strangely empty. Yet she smiled, hoping that Alastair was not affected as she had been, and that her love would be free as she was. Years would pass and even on her dying day, Vanessa never knew who the stranger, who helped her, truly was.

  
  


When Solas returned a month had passed, but his grief had not. Killing Falon'din had not given him any comfort. His heart ached for Milu and her sweetness like never before. He would help finish her construction, but then he would go into eternal slumber - hopefully so deep that even his dreaming mind would be dormant. He knew that Milu´s companions would be mourning her, but he had not expected to see a shrine already build in her honour. Dorian had used his magic to create the most beautiful - and extravagant - tomb Solas had ever seen. It was truly worthy of her. As it was late, it was also very quiet, when Solas entered. Candles were burning and the shrine was filled with flowers and gifts of mourning. In the middle was a podium with her body still on it. Solas was amazed and relieved to see that her body did not seemed to have degraded.

 

“A flood of needles, cold and hard burrows through skin. Green like spring and red like fall - time passes, but always hope that they will come again. Dorian could not bear to bury her. He thought her too beautiful,” Cole explained.

 

“You should be in the fade my friend,” Solas smiled sadly.

 

“No, I should be with you,” Cole stated.

 

Solas remained quiet as he caressed the spell that kept his loves body in stasis.

 

“I wonder how he did it,” Solas mused, curiosity trying to keep agonizing heartbreak at bay.

 

“A little trick I learned from Alexis,” Dorian said from behind them and Solas turned, “It didn´t feel right to hide her away. Like she could be forgotten. I made time slow down around her body. Her body will degrade, but it will take centuries,” Dorian walked over and kissed the field above her head.

 

Solas looked at her with sorrow until he realised something vital. He grabbed Dorian and kissed him before laughing ephouriously.

 

“I think he has lost his mind, Cole,” Dorian stated quite shocked.

 

“Break the spell, Dorian,” Solas ordered and walked to the other side of her body.

 

“An ember spark still lives and can bring fire once more,” Cole stated with excitement.

 

“Alright, you have both lost your minds,” Dorian corrected.

 

“Now Dorian!” Solas growled.

 

“Alright, alright,”

 

Dorian removed the spell and Solas held the face of his beloved´s dead body.

 

“Ir abelas, ma salath. There is no other way,”

 

Solas closed his eyes and from him he released the remnants of Falon'din's soul. They ventured into Milu´s body. When she took a deep breath Dorian cried out in joy - Solas, however, was not so calm. When she started convulsing he was distressed and Dorian turned white as a sheet.

 

“Whatś wrong?” Dorian demanded.

 

“She should have woken up. I don't understand. Vhenan, please. I beg you!” Solas held her close to him trying to prevent her from convulsing.

 

“It will be alright, Solas. I will make sure everything will be alright. The little ember fights. It is strong, but not strong enough. I can make it stronger. Bye Solas,” Cole smiled.

 

Cole turned into a orb of pure light that  floated in front of Solas and Milu. Solas stepped back.

 

“What is going on?” Dorian asked with distress in his voice.

 

“Cole, no,” Solas uttered softly.

 

Then the orb of light  floated towards Milu’s abdomen and travelled into her body.

 

“He is possessing her,” Dorian exclaimed with a baffled and awed - perhaps even a little frightful.

 

“Not her,” Solas stated as he saw Milu calm.

 

He went next to her and held her as she opened her eyes slowly.

 

“Solas,” she smiled meekly.

 

“Easy my love. Take your time,” he said calmly.

 

“I thought I died,” she declared looking around the unfamiliar surroundings. Dorian stepped forward and grabbed her hand kissing it.

 

“You did, but Solas saved you,” Dorian laughed and patted him hard on the shoulder.

 

“Dorian should take the credit. He preserved you in a pocket of time,” Solas smiled softly.

 

“How long was I dead?” she asked alarmed.

 

“About a month,” Dorian replied.

 

“A month!” She exclaimed with disbelief.

 

And so Solas and Dorian explained what they could of what had happened. How Dorian preserved her body in a pocket of time and build a shrine for her. How Cole kept watching over her, as he once again had left the fade completely. Solas talked of his journey with the hero of Ferelden and his battle with Falon'din - as always keeping more than one detail to himself.  Dorian held her close for most of it, much to Solas´ annoyance, but he knew that they had both lost whatever family they had. Somehow that void had been filled by the other person. There was an amount of jealousy to their close bond, but Solas presumed that he had no one but himself to blame for that situation.

 

“I have to tell the others. There will be no amount of celebration that can do this credit,” Dorian exclaimed as he almost pounced out the door with the vitality of a small cub.

 

Milu chuckled lightly before she turned to Solas and wrapped her arms around his neck.

 

“Ma serannas vhenan. Ar lath,” she hummed in a comforting voice that made Solas´grip on her tighten. He took in her smell and burrowed his face in her neck, desperately trying to prevent himself from weeping. He had thought that he had lost her before, but nothing had ever felt as permanent as this. Though he tried he could not suppress his trembling, and at that he heard her weeping slightly.

 

“What is it vhenan?” Solas asked concerned and looked at her.

 

“Cole gave himself for me. I loved him so much. He was so kind and gentle. I know, I will never feel like I have been worthy of replacing him,” Solas tried to interrupt her, but didn't get the opportunity, “And eventually you will feel all this pain again. I can´t live forever like you. One day I will leave and you will be alone. I cannot bear it, ir abelas,” she almost whispered between the silent tears flowing like a stream from her eyes.

 

“Calm yourself, my love. Things are not so dire,” Solas offered as he kissed her gently, while she simply looked questioning at him.

 

“Forgive me, but in order to save your life I had to place a great burden upon your shoulders. To destroy Falon'din I took his essence from him and housed it inside myself. When I saw you lying there, and I knew what Dorian had done, I saw no alternative. I was selfish, ma sa lath. Ir abelas,” Solas´ voice was heavy as he spoke.

 

“Solas, what did you do?” she asked with a trembling voice.

 

“I took the remnants of Falon'din and placed them inside you,”

 

“You turned me into an Evanuris?” she asked with a nervous tremble in her voice as her hand covered her mouth. He smiled a little.

 

“Falon'din was not at his most powerful. He was a remnant of his former self - otherwise I would not have been able to destroy him so easily. You are not as powerful as the Evanuris, but I have given you back the gift of immortality, that I stole from our people, so long ago,” his voice was heavy. He knew it could seem like a great gift, but he also knew the burden of it.

 

“I will watch them all die,” she whispered as she looked to the floor, before turning to him, “But you will not have to be alone again,” she stroked his face fondly and he couldn't help but smile solemnly at her.

 

“As for Cole. He is not completely lost, and though he sacrificed himself for you, it was not your life he saved,” Solas placed a hand on Milu´s stomach as understanding dawned on her face.

 

In time the tale of the Hero of Ferelden, the Champion of Kirkwall and the Inquisitor were long forgotten. Though their tales were immortalized by long dead writer, and still kept in the libraries kept in the heavens. There were three very different worlds in the realm of Thedas. In the ground the dwarves had a kingdom which underground roads reached to all of Thedas - They had forgotten the hardships of their people, who had lost their empire to ghost in the dark, that were now nothing but the nightmares of children. The humans still fought and bickered among themselves on the surface, but the time were mages had been the greatest threat to their society had been forgotten. In the sky were the floating isles of magic, spirits and elves. Spires of crystals and impossible buildings tied into the fade made it seem like no other world of Thedas. Most did not bother to know, why the deep roads were safe, why the mages walked free among men or why they lived on floating pieces of land in the sky. The knew of the trident symbol that could be found all over their world, though. The one that depicted The Cunning Mabari of Valour and Honour, The Intimidating Hawke of Retribution and Protection and The Loving Three Legged Hallah of wisdom and perseverance. The mothers of Thedas.

 

Only the document in written by an ancient dwarf in a library seemed to contain the truth - much to the annoyance of a young girl, with the gift of magic and the horns of dragons. Send to the heavens to hone her gifts, this was the subject that she concerned herself with the most. Who were the mothers? She huffed her annoyance and she slammed the books shut.

 

“Be careful with those. They are irreplaceable,” said a young male elf from behind, though with a great amount of kindness in his voice.

 

“Sorry,” she mumbled not daring to meet his gaze.

 

“Why are you so distraught?” he asked sitting down next to her.

 

“I am trying to figure out the truth of the Mother of Thedas,” she explained.

 

“A noble goal. I think we might be able to help you,” the elvhen young man smiled and next to them showed two spirits. One looked like a woman that seemed both old and young at the same time. The other looked like a handsome man with longish hair and stubble, but in a metal armour.

 

“Who are you?” the girl asked.

 

“I am Faith” said the first spirit, “I was the mentor of the cunning mother, who wears the symbol of the noble mabari. The one who will always teach you honour,” it smiled.

 

“You may call me Justice,” said the second spirit, its voice sounding like two different ones merged together, “The Intimidating Hawke mother, was the love that follows me always. The one who would always protect you, ”

 

The girl looked at them in awe.

 

“I was once a spirit of compassion,” said the young elven man, “I am the son of the loving mother, a Hallah who sacrificed her leg to save you. The one who will always guide you with wisdom. You can call me Cole if you like,”

 

“Wooooow,” said the girl with big eyes, “Will you tell me their story?”

 

“It is a very grim one for a child,” said Faith in a worried voice.

 

“She asked for this knowledge. It would be unjust to keep her from learning,” Justice objected.

  
“We will tell you little one,” Compassion smiled and so the tale of the three mothers was retold once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I know that some of this was a little extreme, but I had to find a scenario I know that Solas would not be able to ignore. Please leave a comment. Thank you again.


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